late night random messages

its been sometime, but it was an ordinary evening, an evening after work, i just thought of saying hello, no purpose at all, well maybe i just wanted him to say hello back so i sent him a message. It took hours before he replied, but this time I wasn't in any torture state of waiting, he said something like I'm okay and nothing really more than that. I wished him good luck like I always did before when I still wanted to say a lot of things but this time I just meant to say good luck really because he's taking his exams soon, and I thought to myself he's still very much the same, he sends messages seemingly he doesn't put any effort to carry on with a conversation, just like exactly the very first time we met months and months ago... so I said goodnight and nothing more than that.. then he replied again, in a way he never answers back when you say goodnight to each other, so he said wait, what about you, how are you? something like that in Tagalog, I told him I'm okay, i mean there wasn't much to say, so he said okay goodnight and take care.. and I said good night too and yes I did say maybe we should get coffee sometime, for no reason at all... I mean I don't mean tomorrow but one of this days, and he said okay, goodnight.. I don't really know what he meant by that, by I guess its fine coffee or without, it'll be nice to see and talk to him again, oh okay for the holidays sake , its Christmas anyway =D

Happy Birthday Love

happy birthday love!

its my boyfriend's birthday,and well our first month actually, and a first for an official mature relationship for me...lol, you know what i mean.. its also officially October... my schedule will be changing for this month, no more five days straight morning duty and double off after . who knew i would survive that schedule..

i promised to go on a diet..but i never do..gosh.., but i will, i will, ...chester said i'm losing weight but he keeps making fun of me every time anyway so i don't know if there is any truth to that. hmm what else, i went to the supermarket today, then these two ol' women followed me and were asking me something, thinking i was working there.. i was like, what? since i was wearing a blue shirt, i would have said you look like you were the ones working here..but hey that's a bad idea since i was at the cashier and it would sound like working there was below societal measures or what, so i just shrugged it off, and laughed but the two ol' women thought i was making fun of them, sheesh they should get a life..then they even joked about it, i was like huh, what losers..

lol i'm so mean, but i controlled myself..goodness.. anyway what else? and yey wow I've got my first brown paper.. its crazy i know, i'm being sarcastic with the word yey too.. and guess what it wasn't my fault, okay maybe i was at 1% but when you look at it at all angles i wasn't at fault at all, it was clearly an accident but you know how people would like someone always to be at fault, and at accidents no one is at blame... my oh my, but some do not understand that including some old people , my gawd...get a life , how can you seriously be so stupid people?!

yay i'm losing my patience again.. i should not.. no no no, so i am going to stop here..haha

anyway i'm very much happy at the moment.. i miss my boyfriend super.. i wish he's here and we can grab coffee anytime anywhere then i'd tell him about my issues at work or anything nonsense, cause he thinks i'm always amusing even when i'm not..

i miss my lola too, always.. i miss having to tell her about these things, and talking about boys you know.. and i always cry when i talk about her so i'm stopping here.. gosh..

thank you Lord for everything..everytime, everyday.

thoughts

aloha dear blog!

how am i? im supposed to sleep early today, since my boyfriend won't be online later or he might not find the time to do so today, that's what he said last night over chat.. its really weird, you know, this long distance thingy, i've never been in one, i wish it was easier you know, the circumstances, but well anyway got to live with it if you can't change it..haha.. i started reading our conversation last night over chat, for some reason, i suppose i miss him genuinely when he ain't around.. then i started blog hopping and i decided to visit my old site in multiply, and to browse over my guy's site as well.. albums and photos, his past girlfriends and more.. lol, and i found myself thinking how serious could he have been by those things that he keeps saying the past weeks.. he probably brought home too many girls already, that is factual, .. and well how many more.. and i thought to myself i don't know if i believe him actually, i know i know its weird, but i don't want to get hurt again..never never, i mean i probably would get hurt again if i do decide to open up myself completely, but i do not want to do that yet.. and how i suppose its fair sometimes, .. i remember hanging out with joram, one of my closest friends, and us talking about me, and me in this relationship, and me in my past relationships, me and my past guys, me and the guys I have gotten over with, and suppose I have not gotten over! lol.. I think i'm grammatically wrong in saying me when I should be using I? anyway with the part I have not gotten over, lets get back to that after my highschool reunion this year, (if i do get to attend it) haha.. why am i saying these things? gosh, its not that i doubt my guy, i shouldn't, i know he loves me, gawd he probably does you know? and i love him don't i? ... but how come i'm so cynical now, why don't i believe that love takes chances and those kind of nasty mushy corny insensible stuffs? I used to be daydreaming about all the time, I used to be really brave and tough when it comes to proclaiming i love you or i want to be with you forever things, how can i be so different now? gawd.. but its not that i miss the old me, or you may say that.. i just miss that feeling of free fall, not afraid, taking the risk, being so alive and not hiding anything..why can't i do that now? lol.. just when i got older, and love could mean something more serious, and just when i'm already with someone, i think about these things..tsktsk..

i guess i'll just pray about it.. i love him ..he knows .. and i hope God guides us on this one.

at long last, a new post

hello dear blogspot,

how are you, been so long since i wrote down something.. let me see, the last one was June, so counting months that would be 3 months, or lets say 12 weeks. hey I've always thought 12 was a lucky number hehe... a lot has happened.. quite a lot.. i am now 23, lol.. i pretty much think like not 23 though, .. Lola is now in a better place..yes.. we all know she is.. i miss her you know, i miss her so bad but sometimes i try really hard not to think about it.. because then i wouldn't feel so sad.. so well, it has been a great journey, thank you Lord.

uhm, what else, a lot of people came over during Lola's wake, and we were almost complete, i mean tita ann, tito nohmar and tito brick were here, almost since tita vivian wasn't here but we all know Lola understood that.. i hope they get to come over really soon, especially on Christmas, that would be so better. (Lord, i know you can hear me). ehehehe

my previous post was about somebody, you know who.. lol, but it seemed like a long time ago since i kept crying like whatever, i would probably see him soon since we always hold a high school reunion every year, and well,we still are classmates after all... i broke my heart again actually after that one, i know right, unbelievable klutz i am tsktsk.. but guess what? I'm with someone now, lets say , yes its pretty much official. lol , i know that's different since i always keep my love life at a low key, very low key that nobody would really care if i suddenly become single again.. now that would be exaggerating because, I'm sort of never single but never in a relationship haha..

anyway and anyhow, yes I'm in a relationship right now (do i hear an applause), haha... my friends know, my family knows.. and God knows.. and you would probably ask me if I am in love with him, well I suppose i am,clearly and honestly i don't know much if there's truth to what i say every time since I've said those words to so many times before to different guys.. (you should know better, i have so many posts about that already =p) .. he's away right now, sort of a long distance relationship.. i have never been in a long distance relationship, so God help me .. and i really meant me, cause i think he could handle it way better ..hehe..
but well wish us luck then.. I'll get back to you soon,

nothing is new at work.. its been a year since i started there ..time passes so quickly. sighs*

song playing: long distance by Bruno mars

* I miss you Lola

Thank you Lord, still for everything..

p.s. it wasn't June, it was April since my last post.. =p I know you missed me..haha..and my emo moods..

and truth be told.. i miss you..and truth be told i'm lying..

=p

when you see my face hope it gives you hell. now where is your picket fence love and where is that shiny car, did it ever get you far?

=p

I'm just singing along, saw GLEE a couple of days ago and they performed this song, the original was sung by All American Rejects.

and when you find a man who treats you well, then he's a fool, you're just as well..

=p

I like it, i like the song... hmmm bagay ito kantahin sa isang tao na kelan lang ay okay kami .. pero ngayon hindi na! wahehe..at dati nasasaktan ako pero ngayon hindi na din.. =p at bakit bakit bakit? ako ay nakangiti na naman ngayon ulet... habang tinatype eto..

when you see my face hope it gives you hell, when you walk my way hope it gives you hell..

iniisip ko ano kaya sasabihin ko sa 'yo kung sakaling natuloy nga at nagkita tayo ngayong araw na to..? hmm wala...kakanta na lang sana ako ng..and truth be told i miss you.. and truth be told i'm lying...

=p you can take back your memories they are no good to me, and here's to your lies you can look me in the eyes with that sad sad look you wear so well =p................

but truth be told and i'm not lying..im in glee right now =p

may mga araw na ganito

oo na oo na oo na magda-diet na ko!!! magdadiet na talaga ko... gosh gosh gosh i must have gained weight..at sa dami dami ng sinulat ko sa blog na to na hindi nagkatotoo, eto talaga gagawin ko naaaaaa...kaya ikaw walang kokontra...mamatay na ang kumontra.. wuahahahaha... parang eto yung mga araw na bwisit na bwisit ako sa seatmate ko na si clyde dati kaya ako nagdiet..epektib in fairness....

so anyway ..

nangyari na ba sayo yung pumila ka sa fx, siguro mga pangatlong fx ka pa o pangalawa basta di ikaw yung susunod na makakasakay...tapos naisip mo na ang tagal, mga lima o sampung minuto na wala pa din dumadating, at humahaba na yung pila sa likod mo, tapos narealize mo na paano kaya kung magbus na lang ako o kaya ay magtaxi.. na parang gusto mo na umalis sa pila..pero naisip mo sayang na yung inintay mo na oras diba, tapos ang haba na nga nung pila sa likod mo, tsaka paano kung di ka na makasakay ng bus o taxi din? at paano kung biglang dumating yung fx sakto na umalis ka sa pila?..parang pag-ibig ano? kaya di mo alam kung maghihintay ka ba o aalis na lang.

hanep hanep, naisip ko lang lahat yan habang nakapila ako sa may sm kanina..siyempre hindi na ako nageemote dun tulad ng dati..dahil alam mo na ...

tapos buti na lang dala ko yung headset ko kaya nakikinig ako ng radyo, habang katxt ang ibang tao at tawa ko ng tawa habang kumakanta, at gusto ko na nga sumayaw din ..tapos biglang may lalapit na maglilimos ng pera, hihingi pala ng limos, habang busy ka nagtetext at siyempre di mo papansinin para umalis na lang, pero hindi hindi hindi talaga aalis , hanggang di ko sinasabi na wala..siyempre may pera naman ako pero ewan ko ba't hindi ako nagbigay o bakit hindi nagbibigay ang mga tao... tapos naisip ko din siyempre bakit ba ako yung nilalapitan niya e ang dami dami naman namin doon , dahil ba tumatawa ako o kaya naman e nakaheadset ako..bakit, e wala nga akong pera na pangtaxi e...

hanep talaga... naisip ko lang isulat..bilang ayaw ko na magshout out sa facebook =p

i'm back =D

ang weird kahapon ay emo ang blog ko pero ngayon ay hindi... just read someone's blog...one of my favorite bloggers sa net actually... " you don't quit just because you're not happy at the moment, that's why its called a relationship.." and i thought to myself, my oh my am i always the quitter..like i stop when it hurts, i stop when i'm not happy, i stop when its unfair...now don't get me wrong, i'm never scared, maybe, next time..i can make it right..with God's help of course....hehehe

anyway..i am back on morning duty! yebah! i miss seeing a lot of people pag duty... and i still love a.m duty because i get to chat with my co-workers and mas exciting kaya, mas madami kaso..okay ang night, pero i look so bloated now, altered kasi ang sleeping at eating habits ko...

goodnyt guys..goodnyt mr. e =D

secrets by one republic

it still hurts. in a weird way, syempre i stalked his account again,..i wonder why i still do it.. been more than a month already, no talk, no anythings..i'm listening to this song by one republic with the title secrets, so tell me what you want from me?... gawd what do you want from me, it still hurts.. its a secret i supposed, i don't tell anyone about it anymore.. but it does, i wonder kung sino yung bagong babae, kung meron man, siguro wala din naman..ewan ko ..ako ba may bago, okay lang.. entertaining possibilities, trying to open up myself to maybe just maybe the right guy ..pero how do you feel that way na pwede na ulit magmahal when i can't even talk to him yet, i can't admit na nagseselos ako and i'm just not ready yet to let it go...damn. i just need to get it off my chest .

sana makalimutan ko na. sana mawala na.ayoko na jommel..and i keep clicking that name, and i wonder everyday what you did this day, and i do it every single time....shux..tell me what do you want from me.damn...repeat to self.

may work pala ko bukas. time flies by so fast..eto lang yung mabagal ...

rootless tree

i've been listening to this song...again.. I found it tonight while browsing through music videos from Live @ abbey road channel..

I love the song. I guess its one hell of a break up song.. and one hell of a song for those who got their hearts broken, got dumped, left hanging, misled, cheated on and so on.. I found the song a couple of months ago, when I was trying to move on from someone else.. and I found myself playing it again.. it goes like.. (insert lyrics here) ..let me out, let me out its hell when you're around..

hehe no i am not being dramatic here..but here we go, its almost v-day, oh my..what the..what's the use of v-day when you can't even talk to that guy you like..haha and when I can't even tell him how i feel..oh whats the use (insert another song here)

anyway here's the link to the song , enjoy =D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlnpedLeGbo&feature=PlayList&p=A17B406EFDFF5C51&index=17

P.S. so that's why there's so much emotion into the song, I didn't know Damien and Lisa had a real relationship...lol I wonder though how it feels to sing this kind of song with that person you would probably want to say it to anyway... fuck you. fuck you and all that we've been through..

It's not like what you think it is, haha its very melodramatic and beautiful if you listen to it..classic =D

Haha anyway I don't want to be so negative..its hearts day anyway, and just because I currently miss someone, can't tell him, don't have the courage and don't know what to do so i secretly badly desire he misses me in the same way.... I still think 14 might be a good day after all..its a Sunday anyway and its my off day =D so here is a song..for you.. if you're in love or still looking for that one..or if you found him and don't know it yet or if you know that feeling when you look at someone and realizes that you found the one already..here is a song..its upbeat =D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WwaPv1rZiQ

it's from lisa hannigan, she looks so much better here =D

choco madness

i know some people are reading this.. haha..and if you ain't my close friend don't ask about it..its my blog..and i'm like this in reality..if i don't tell you about it , di tayo close so wag mo na ko tinatanong..lol.

oh hello online world..i kept saying that i don't like the latest cake from red ribbon, the one called chocolate heaven, its too gooey, chunky (or maybe not), and clay-like but i kept eating it for two days now, in fact im the only one eating the whole cake, slice per slice, eeek plus i kept eating that box of belgian chocolates, omg i'm going on overload, i could feel my tummy enlarging already, not that it ain't big already...ahahha..

anyway its my off day today, but i didn't go anywhere, in fact i was at my workplace today for a meeting... just slept the rest of the day.. and i have work again tomorrow...geez..could you believe that,..at least its payday next week..wuhooo..

im so full right now, i could puke..lol...im just kidding.. haha ..anyway it was his birthday yesterday, oh come on i kept thinking a thousand times if i should greet him...but i did not..and yes i don't plan to, i just kept thinking about it though, i even asked a friend to greet him for me, but my friend did not want to haha.. and i even asked her to add him up so he could read this stupid blogs before it gets covered up with all the other posts... but then again i guess the answer is no.. i checked his account though, like i would usually do.. i wonder when i would stop doing that.. i wish i would stop..but the heck i still can't help it..i kept thinking who is the new one, new girl, new someone, whoever.. so he's found someone already, has he? how come i have not ? why o why then its so unfair, how come its always unfair, how come its not easier considering we were good friends before all this i love him shits.. something like that.. and how could he find someone else in such a short time, that is absurd or not possible.. because I don't know how to do that, so how did he? lol... so i kept checking and checking, stalking and stalking, man i get tired of that.. mentally..but my fingers just kept typing like this..

its almost valentines day, and contrary to the fact that i am technically single, i do have a date.. i guess.. its just weird that the only person id like to be with , well i wonder what he's thinking.. and i don't know what you do with these kinds of situation, like do i pray, i always do but sometimes i just don't get it when God says no.. do i wait..(man i kept doing this), or do i just let it go...hay ang sarap ma inlove ..namimiss ko na lang siya... yun lang...

see yah.

miss you like crazy (naks)

yehey..may bagong movie si john lloyd at bea!! fan talaga ako pramis =D gusto ko din si sarah at john lloyd...! hehe yung iba di ko pinapanood sa sine, eto lang talaga, ah maliban pala dun sa one more chance di ko kasi pinanood sa sine yun, sa dvd lang, kasi medyo malungkot yung story, pero eto papanoorin ko 'to...nako sana hindi matulad dun sa avatar ha na di ko na napanood talaga..ganda naman kasi ubusan ng tickets hanep! pero eto gusto ko panoorin with matching popcorn at large coke! lol..coke talaga, diet pala ko...kuno..

at may naalala ako..syet eto na naman..haha sabe ko na hindi ako mage-emote dito e, bilang may mga nagbabasa na neto..na ewan ko ba ha public diary daw 'to, hindi naman kaya, nagkataon lang na gusto nila pagchismisan yung kaartehan ko (hindi kasi ako ganito sa work, syempre di ko pa naman ka-close talaga mga tao dun..pero sa mga kaclose ko talaga tulad nila camil at toni at roy, ganito talaga ko magkwento..at magulo naman kasi talaga ang lovelife ko ewan ko ba bakit...pero masaya naman ..=D ) naalala ko sabi niya noon, habang kumakain kami sa padis ng dinner at galing ako ng duty..sabi nia..

J: alam mo yung one more chance parang ganun yung story namin
Ako: Talaga? ikaw kasi lagi mo kinukumpara sa movie
J: hindi ganun talaga, sakto nga
Ako: ay nako, ginagawa mo kasing basehan yun e,hindi yun

tapos eto..parang hindi ba parang eto kami ngayon..haha pramis..syet talaga..haha tapos ako naman magsasabi ng , alam mo ba yung miss you like crazy parang ganun tayo?
weh ang korni haha..natatawa ko..pero bakeeeeeeeeeeettttttttt...ang arts ko..lol .. kinikilig pa din talaga ko..john loid bea!!yipeeeeeeee

ipost ko dito yung trailer..

the dip..in short the point...anu daw

haha..dahil minsan e binabasa 'to ng mga napakabait kong katrabaho sa ospital... grabe hindi ako emo palage okay! nagkataon lang mahilig ako maginarte pero hindi palage.. lol..

anyway, saw this book while browsing through fully booked facebook account, really interesting description..

The old saying is wrong—winners do quit, and quitters do win.
Every new project (or job, or hobby, or company) starts out exciting and fun. Then it gets harder and less fun, until it hits a low point—really hard, and not much fun at all.
And then you find yourself asking if the goal is even worth the hassle. Maybe you’re in a Dip—a temporary setback that will get better if you keep pushing. But maybe it’s really a Cul-de-Sac, which will never get better, no matter how hard you try.
According to bestselling author Seth Godin, what really sets superstars apart from everyone else is the ability to escape dead ends quickly, while staying focused and motivated when it really counts.

Alam ko na yung feeling na yan, yung sa job sa una masaya tapos hindi na..nakow haha dun sa opisina ko dati masaya naman kasi petiks dun (petiks in short sisiw naman ang trabaho). Yebah ang yabang! But seriously mahirap siya kung magiisip ka kasi lagi araw araw para makapagpasa ng output pero di siya physically exhausting so okay lang sa akin yun, pero hindi na siya masaya after... (except dun sa part na nagulo gulo ang buhay ko dahil sa uhm, wag magkakagusto sa katrabaho mo! lol)... kaya finally i said, i quit! wuhoo ...

sa hobby ewan ko naman, kasi hobby ko maggym pero tamad lang talaga ako ngayon hindi naman dahil sa di na ko masaya... lol

at isa pa sa mga relationships..parang quitter ako anu..lately parang feel ko ganun na ko... instinct ba yun, na sa madalas naman feel ko mali naman ako ng instinct pero minsan tama, lol ewan basta ang gulo...parang sabi ko im not quitting pero pag masasaktan ako nako parang unahan nalang tayo....lol..di naman ganun lage...

oha oha, so gusto ko bilin to, feel ko di na ko nakakapagbasa, i was a bookworm pa naman..more for intellectual stuffs naman!

cheesy keso

its the love month! and Feb 14 is a Sunday and guess what I dont have work that day.. yipee! Nah, i don't have a date this 14, I was hoping and I actually thought that I would have though, (if you read my previous posts).. I still miss him.. still sucks every time I think about it. I have tried staying away from him, which is actually a lot easier than I imagined since he never bothered to contact me anyway. I still check his facebook account though, (alam mo ba yun yung parang feeling mo moving on ka pero pinapakialaman mo yung account pa din niya, and you secretly wish ginagawa niya din yun..)

My colleagues in my workplace wanted to watch that movie with kim and gerald, i didn't want to. But maybe I would, haha just kidding. Anyway we were not best friends, we were good friends..there is a difference..but the whole twist its the same in the movie..oh my..typical story I guess.

I'm currently listening to nicole hyala's mahal kita kasi,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67QM_REDeNk&feature=player_embedded
ang cheesy! haha gusto ko magtagalog all of a sudden.. =D

Hay lovelife where are you.. ayaw na kitang pilitin kung ayaw mo saken ngayon muna, cge na nga take your time..madami pa din ako kelangan ayusin sa sarili ko ..tulad ng career ko at ang weight loss na forever ko naman na sinasabi...tapos pag okay na, sana handa ka na din ha.. =D at tulad nga ng nabasa ko sa isang blog, ang pag-ibig hindi minamadali at lalong hindi kinakarir..

I thought of deleting this blog, or transferring to another one (again) since i have too many emotional corny notes here about love..but its still all good, besides i'm still hoping he'd read this... lol... unbelievable! =D haha

I have work tomorrow.really early schedule again, and i aim to be really good at what i do, so help me God! =D and please bless Haiti... amen.

500 days of summer

i thought of wanting to watch 500 days of summer all over again. and i still do..must get a copy. =D

Tom: People don't realize this, but loneliness is underrated.

Tom: What happens when you fall in love?
Summer: You believe in that?
Tom: It's love, it's not Santa Claus.

Rachel Hansen: Just because she's likes the same bizzare crap you do doesn't mean she's your soul mate

Rachel Hansen: Look, I know you think she was the one, but I don't. Now, I think you're just remembering the good stuff. Next time you look back, I, uh, I really think you should look again.

Summer: I woke up one morning and I just knew.
Tom: Knew what?
Summer: What I was never sure of with you.

Tom: Either she's an evil, emotionless, miserable human being, or... she's a robot.

Tom: Look, we don't have to put a label on it. That's fine. I get it. But, you know, I just... I need some consistency.
Summer: I know.
Tom: I need to know that you're not gonna wake up in the morning and feel differently.
Summer: And I can't give you that. Nobody can.

Tom: Did you ever do this, you think back on all the times you've had with someone and you just replay it in your head over and over again and you look for those first signs of trouble

---

Tom: I love how she makes me feel, like anything's possible, or like life is worth it.

---

McKenzie: Hey, maybe you should write a book.
Tom: What?
McKenzie: Well, you know, Henry Miller said the best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature

---

Narrator: Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin and they end with no lasting memory made in between. Most days have no impact on the course of a life.

Summer: Well, you know, I guess it's 'cause I was sitting in a deli and reading Dorian Gray and a guy comes up to me and asks me about it and... now he's my husband.
Tom: Yeah. And... so?
Summer: So, what if I'd gone to the movies? What if I had gone somewhere else for lunch? What if I'd gotten there 10 minutes later? It was - it was meant to be. And... I just kept thinking... Tom was right.
Tom: No.
Summer: Yeah, I did.
[laughs]
Summer: I did. It just wasn't me that you were right about.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1022603/quotes

..............

okay i admit it, it hurts too bad.. tsk.. not in a way that i'd cry, its a wonder i didn't cry that instance that i realized i lost him, or well he walked away, just like the guys before him did.. i wondered though if it was for real, i've known him for such a long time, and i've always thought it would be easier, less complicated this time.. but okay here we go again.. i can't stand it, i can't stand the thought that he might just be back with her, i could not stand thinking about anything beyond that.. i can't. so i just need to do this.. i wish you could read this. these craps they're all about you anyway if you give a damn. anyway, i have to go..i'm so tired of this.. malamang lilipat na naman ako ng blog after neto dahil puro kaartehan na to..minsan naisip ko isend nalang sayo yung link e, o sana malaman mo para mabasa mo to... hay pag-ibig i hate you na....

tama na muna

ayoko na. ayoko na ng magulong lovelife.ayoko na ng ganitong sitwasyon. ayoko na nung parang kayo pero hindi kayo.ayoko na ng gusto mo magalit, sumigaw, mainis pero hindi pwede kasi para kang tanga dahil wala ka naman karapatan. ayoko na magisip, ayoko na maparanoid..hay ayoko na talaga..ewan ko kung ano gagawin ko... i try every single time to make it right pero mali pa din.. buti na lang tumugtog yung kanta ni daughtry kanina sa o.r. dahil sobrang ewan , naiinis ako...nagagalit, pero nagiisip pa din.......ayoko na muna ikwento..hayaan na muna naten, hayaan ko na muna eto... iniisip ko tuloy ngayon yung sinasabi ni camil, na lagi na lang daw at this too shall pass..sana nga katulad ko din siya in a way na ayaw ko masaktan na, dahil ako sugod ng sugod..ay mali talaga yun.. hay tama na, di ko na alam din ano gagawin, totoo di ko na din alam...

magdadasal na lang muna ko at kakanta ...what about now, what about today? what if you're making me all that i'm meant to be...

so tama na muna...o diba..hindi ko muna to bibisitahin...lol....puro kadramahan na tong blog na to...kaloka...hehehehe

babye muna..

at sa natatanging nagbabasa neto..

haha wag ka na magcomment muna dito, ayaw ko na nga to buksan, magkwentuhan nalang tayo sa ym if online ka din =D tska good luck ah, basta kung ano tingin mo dapat at kung san ka masaya, i support you..andito lang ako to listen... =D

update lang

Nag attend ako sa despidida ng aking isang kabarkada nung highschool, si rossmark! sasakay na siya ng barko to work in a cruise ship bilang isang chef... nakalimutan ko yung job title exactly, hehe basta parang after ng sous chef iyon.. so i attended bago ako dumiretso for my first night duty sa operating room.. Kumain kami sa may banawe q.c. at chef robert na restaurant.. had fun , see pictures sa facebook =D.. tapos nagduty, pero wala naman ginawa as in super swabe , nakatulog pa nga kami ni sir wilbert, kwentuhan at konting updates ng night work...

i miss you, ayoko magsound so needy, or desperate or paranoid, but i miss you, inisip ko hindi ka itext ng ilang araw, dati kaya ko naman , pero okay so nakaya ko ng more than a day gawin, but not more than 2 days...lol... so nagtext ako, i knew na may meeting ka every wednesday but anyway gusto ko lang itext ka, to say i miss you..naks kasi naman namimiss talaga kita, e ano ba mapapala ko kung di ko sasabihin...haha, pero sumasakit na kasi yung ulo ko kakaisip sayo, busy naman ako, may work pa ko ng lagay na to pero namimiss kita talaga... alam ko na busy ka talaga ngayon kasi napromote ka nga, at siyempre i'm proud of you and i always pray naman na (alam mo na yun Lord hehe)... so sabi mo sa akin pasensya na sobrang busy lang talaga..and siguro eto yung feeling mo nun anu, yung ako yung sobrang sabog sa schedule na ilang beses ko kinacancel yung mga lakad naten dahil nagbago sched ko tapos nagsorry ako sayo tapos yung di ako pwede lumakad kasi may duty ako and all, eto siguro yun, tapos nagtatampo ka..hehe, nakakamiss , kasi ikaw naman yung super busy..hay ano ba yan, haha bakit ba ganito ang pag-ibig...

nabasa ko lang ito sa post ng isang friend sa facebook

I'm scared as hell to want you, but here I am, wanting you anyway. And fear means I have something to lose, right? And I don't want to lose you. - Meredith Grey

ako takot pa din, ganun pa din pero more than takot ako may nararamdaman pa ko na iba, and i guess its faith, kasi okay pa din.. maliban sa takot na nararamdaman ko , wala ng iba pa, so magusap nalang ulit tayo okay , may ibibigay din kasi ako sa'yo at sana wala ka pa nun ...haha...

and sasabihin ko sana lahat to sayo pero di pa nga tayo makapagkitakita at busy .... hmm..miss na kita sobra...

facebook lang ng madaling araw

nakita ko sa account ni boris ang kantang ito. hindi ako nageemote ngayon, sa totoo lang naghahanap ako ng work sa ibang bansa, tapos nagfacebook.. ewan ko ba ayaw ko makarelate, pero sige na nga, konti meron...lol...naalala ko tuloy nung okay pa kami ni boris (alam mo na yung kwento), we'd listen to songs like these ng madaling araw, mahilig kasi siya sa love songs, ewan ko ba dun....... ayoko na muna sana ng love songs, sinusundan yata nila ako...

"what did i say, what did you do? how did i fall in love with you?"

iniisip ko ngayon ano kaya gagawin ko, night duty ako bukas pala... at sinisipon ako , hay ... life is good pa din =D thank the Lord =D thank you Lord.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbxrH44Afko&feature=related

maybe its time for miracles

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngfpipJo4fQ

ang link sa itaas ay idinededicate ko sa aking kaibigan na si camil, at sa akin din ehem, at sa lovelife ng mga tao na magulo pero masaya at makulay..

nasa fx ako nito e, pauwi na galing duty, tapos sabi ko sa sarili ko ayaw ko na kausapin si jommel dahil nga galit ako sa kaniya, hindi naman ako galit, ewan ko ba may ginawa siya na bigla ko naalala si willy at yung mga hindi maganda na bagay na dapat di na talaga iniisip pa... tapos i said hay Lord eto na naman tayo...ako pala..and this song starts playing sa fx..e di naisip ko kelan pa nauso sa akin yung natakot ako, well lagi naman ako takot, every single day na masaktan ulit, pero alam mo yun...no more lies...im not going to lie, i'd rather try and know than never try...

so this song starts playing...and there you go with the lyrics...baby you know that, maybe its time for miracles, i ain't giving up on us....... ang sweet ano..hehe... and i'm happy with him, and we are different compared nung high school pa kami...could you believe that, someone you knew nung highschool pa and seatmate mo and someone i used to share my crushes with, yung lalaking lagi din nambibwicit sakin dahil sa uniporme ko at yung lalaking nangongopya at kinokopyahan ko sa math.. i've never imagined i'd feel this way about him.. i always knew he's one of the great guys and he turned out to be one... at congratulations pala kay jommel!! (clap clap clap) hehe for being promoted as the youngest project manager sa company niya...

jommel: may sasabihin ako sayo, ikaw ang isa sa mga unang makakaalam, actually wala pa nakakaalam
ako: ano? hahaha, natatawa ko ano ba yan
jommel: i got promoted, as the youngest project manager, pero di pa inannounce
ako: wow, really..congrats!

haha ewan ko ba syet....gusto ko din sabihin nun wow congrats, i love you haha

hay christine, baliw ka talaga ..lol

=D

pwede pala yung masaya ka super ng isang oras, and the next hour ganun ka din kalungkot.. and parang tanga dahil isang tao lang din ang dahilan.. Lord..ayoko na umiyak, please.,wag naman ulit..bigyan nyo po ako ng courage to let go and accept things..courage please..and sign please. anything.. kaya ko pa naman..please

and ang weird na tumutugtog yung smile na kanta ni uncle kracker and i'm starting to cry...

haha and i'm laughing cause i'm crying..it's really whatever..i'd just pray and go to sleep..

=D thank you Lord still...please give me that courage and clear mind.......thanks.

it came over me in a rush

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TC16HafN840&feature=related

I find myself now listening to this song over and over, saw the first few lines of the lyrics in a friend's status in face book, decided to search for the song...
' it came over me in a rush, when i realized that i love you so much'

i start falling and falling every single day, its like a little step everyday,never so sure but like faith, i just feel its going to be okay.. it just came over me, I now find myself thinking of him more often than i usually do.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DL3_UKuysWc

And i can't find the words to express how i feel ...so i'm leaving that link above...

.................i'm just thankful Lord. thank you.

quite a lot of wondering lately

i'm home from a simple reunion with my college friends. Had a lot of fun, ate lunch @ Bigoli, videoke worth 400 pesos in timezone and dinner at Tempura (location: Trinoma). For pictures please see my facebook account hehe =D

I've not much news today blog. Well i have to wake up at 4am tomorrow, I have work at 6am. Its him again, I guess its going to be like this for awhile until things start to get clearer (I really pray it does soon). He told me his ex called him up, missed call I supposed at past 3 am last night, said he couldn't sleep afterwards. They did not talk, it was a missed call. And I was thinking, what do I say, how do I feel? I've always been wondering lately. Its like I wanted to tell him to pick me and love me just as much, maybe greater, that I am a new start and I wish and I really wish he would take that start. But I just couldn't do that, its not that simple, I do not own his emotions or his life. I called him up to ask if he's okay, told me he's going to be fine. I don't know what to feel, its past eleven in the evening and I'm browsing through his account, staring at their family photos taken just this Christmas. I guess everytime we do a little growing up (age wise and maturity wise),the way in which we fall in love starts to change too. I was thinking what if I'm just that girl he brought home instead, what if it was us all along, what if .. and why do I wish to be that girl now, so badly. I just want to be that woman, that woman he needs.

Okay time to sleep... just some of my thoughts.. get back to you..goodnight =D

you're just like a star

i made a lot of resolutions for this year and posted them in my facebook account. i broke some already, well probably not since I placed 'try' at the start of every line, lol. I remember placing there , i will try not to assume, not to expect and not to confront people. I guess I did quite a good start on that.

i was wondering though what you meant by what you said. (see its the downside of not being confrontational! haha).

i wondered why you called me up and started talking about your plans for this year. i wondered really what you meant when you said you can finally get a girlfriend because you believe you're ready. i wondered why you asked me, what do i think? I didn't say anything but I was thinking, what answer are you looking for? you know how i feel about you, it's just weird but i knew i didn't have to say anything, because i could feel it. i can feel that message you're trying to tell me. I wished you'd learn how to say it out flat just like I always do (haha, but I know you well).I guess that's the good thing when you've known each other since high school, i guess that's a bonus. When you can talk about anything, when you can tell your guy exactly how you feel, when you can cry because you're really hurting and you can tell that person why and what you need and not fearing you won't talk again ever after that(previous cases please), when you can laugh out loud, eat like there's no tomorrow, go shopping for dresses and heels with that guy and enjoy every single second of it together. I wanted to tell you,I'm falling for you. I know I am, i wanted to blurt it out right then just when you were so busy telling me all your plans, when you were sharing them with me and when the song 'Like a star' by Corinne bailey rae was playing while we were talking. It was just beautiful like that song, i guess that moment was beautiful, and im really looking forward to seeing you again, i haven't seen you since the holidays... and even though we were just talking last night, i miss you now.
i wonder why it is...just like the song says.