thoughts

aloha dear blog!

how am i? im supposed to sleep early today, since my boyfriend won't be online later or he might not find the time to do so today, that's what he said last night over chat.. its really weird, you know, this long distance thingy, i've never been in one, i wish it was easier you know, the circumstances, but well anyway got to live with it if you can't change it..haha.. i started reading our conversation last night over chat, for some reason, i suppose i miss him genuinely when he ain't around.. then i started blog hopping and i decided to visit my old site in multiply, and to browse over my guy's site as well.. albums and photos, his past girlfriends and more.. lol, and i found myself thinking how serious could he have been by those things that he keeps saying the past weeks.. he probably brought home too many girls already, that is factual, .. and well how many more.. and i thought to myself i don't know if i believe him actually, i know i know its weird, but i don't want to get hurt again..never never, i mean i probably would get hurt again if i do decide to open up myself completely, but i do not want to do that yet.. and how i suppose its fair sometimes, .. i remember hanging out with joram, one of my closest friends, and us talking about me, and me in this relationship, and me in my past relationships, me and my past guys, me and the guys I have gotten over with, and suppose I have not gotten over! lol.. I think i'm grammatically wrong in saying me when I should be using I? anyway with the part I have not gotten over, lets get back to that after my highschool reunion this year, (if i do get to attend it) haha.. why am i saying these things? gosh, its not that i doubt my guy, i shouldn't, i know he loves me, gawd he probably does you know? and i love him don't i? ... but how come i'm so cynical now, why don't i believe that love takes chances and those kind of nasty mushy corny insensible stuffs? I used to be daydreaming about all the time, I used to be really brave and tough when it comes to proclaiming i love you or i want to be with you forever things, how can i be so different now? gawd.. but its not that i miss the old me, or you may say that.. i just miss that feeling of free fall, not afraid, taking the risk, being so alive and not hiding anything..why can't i do that now? lol.. just when i got older, and love could mean something more serious, and just when i'm already with someone, i think about these things..tsktsk..

i guess i'll just pray about it.. i love him ..he knows .. and i hope God guides us on this one.

at long last, a new post

hello dear blogspot,

how are you, been so long since i wrote down something.. let me see, the last one was June, so counting months that would be 3 months, or lets say 12 weeks. hey I've always thought 12 was a lucky number hehe... a lot has happened.. quite a lot.. i am now 23, lol.. i pretty much think like not 23 though, .. Lola is now in a better place..yes.. we all know she is.. i miss her you know, i miss her so bad but sometimes i try really hard not to think about it.. because then i wouldn't feel so sad.. so well, it has been a great journey, thank you Lord.

uhm, what else, a lot of people came over during Lola's wake, and we were almost complete, i mean tita ann, tito nohmar and tito brick were here, almost since tita vivian wasn't here but we all know Lola understood that.. i hope they get to come over really soon, especially on Christmas, that would be so better. (Lord, i know you can hear me). ehehehe

my previous post was about somebody, you know who.. lol, but it seemed like a long time ago since i kept crying like whatever, i would probably see him soon since we always hold a high school reunion every year, and well,we still are classmates after all... i broke my heart again actually after that one, i know right, unbelievable klutz i am tsktsk.. but guess what? I'm with someone now, lets say , yes its pretty much official. lol , i know that's different since i always keep my love life at a low key, very low key that nobody would really care if i suddenly become single again.. now that would be exaggerating because, I'm sort of never single but never in a relationship haha..

anyway and anyhow, yes I'm in a relationship right now (do i hear an applause), haha... my friends know, my family knows.. and God knows.. and you would probably ask me if I am in love with him, well I suppose i am,clearly and honestly i don't know much if there's truth to what i say every time since I've said those words to so many times before to different guys.. (you should know better, i have so many posts about that already =p) .. he's away right now, sort of a long distance relationship.. i have never been in a long distance relationship, so God help me .. and i really meant me, cause i think he could handle it way better ..hehe..
but well wish us luck then.. I'll get back to you soon,

nothing is new at work.. its been a year since i started there ..time passes so quickly. sighs*

song playing: long distance by Bruno mars

* I miss you Lola

Thank you Lord, still for everything..

p.s. it wasn't June, it was April since my last post.. =p I know you missed me..haha..and my emo moods..