aloha dear blog!
how am i? im supposed to sleep early today, since my boyfriend won't be online later or he might not find the time to do so today, that's what he said last night over chat.. its really weird, you know, this long distance thingy, i've never been in one, i wish it was easier you know, the circumstances, but well anyway got to live with it if you can't change it..haha.. i started reading our conversation last night over chat, for some reason, i suppose i miss him genuinely when he ain't around.. then i started blog hopping and i decided to visit my old site in multiply, and to browse over my guy's site as well.. albums and photos, his past girlfriends and more.. lol, and i found myself thinking how serious could he have been by those things that he keeps saying the past weeks.. he probably brought home too many girls already, that is factual, .. and well how many more.. and i thought to myself i don't know if i believe him actually, i know i know its weird, but i don't want to get hurt again..never never, i mean i probably would get hurt again if i do decide to open up myself completely, but i do not want to do that yet.. and how i suppose its fair sometimes, .. i remember hanging out with joram, one of my closest friends, and us talking about me, and me in this relationship, and me in my past relationships, me and my past guys, me and the guys I have gotten over with, and suppose I have not gotten over! lol.. I think i'm grammatically wrong in saying me when I should be using I? anyway with the part I have not gotten over, lets get back to that after my highschool reunion this year, (if i do get to attend it) haha.. why am i saying these things? gosh, its not that i doubt my guy, i shouldn't, i know he loves me, gawd he probably does you know? and i love him don't i? ... but how come i'm so cynical now, why don't i believe that love takes chances and those kind of nasty mushy corny insensible stuffs? I used to be daydreaming about all the time, I used to be really brave and tough when it comes to proclaiming i love you or i want to be with you forever things, how can i be so different now? gawd.. but its not that i miss the old me, or you may say that.. i just miss that feeling of free fall, not afraid, taking the risk, being so alive and not hiding anything..why can't i do that now? lol.. just when i got older, and love could mean something more serious, and just when i'm already with someone, i think about these things..tsktsk..
i guess i'll just pray about it.. i love him ..he knows .. and i hope God guides us on this one.
how am i? im supposed to sleep early today, since my boyfriend won't be online later or he might not find the time to do so today, that's what he said last night over chat.. its really weird, you know, this long distance thingy, i've never been in one, i wish it was easier you know, the circumstances, but well anyway got to live with it if you can't change it..haha.. i started reading our conversation last night over chat, for some reason, i suppose i miss him genuinely when he ain't around.. then i started blog hopping and i decided to visit my old site in multiply, and to browse over my guy's site as well.. albums and photos, his past girlfriends and more.. lol, and i found myself thinking how serious could he have been by those things that he keeps saying the past weeks.. he probably brought home too many girls already, that is factual, .. and well how many more.. and i thought to myself i don't know if i believe him actually, i know i know its weird, but i don't want to get hurt again..never never, i mean i probably would get hurt again if i do decide to open up myself completely, but i do not want to do that yet.. and how i suppose its fair sometimes, .. i remember hanging out with joram, one of my closest friends, and us talking about me, and me in this relationship, and me in my past relationships, me and my past guys, me and the guys I have gotten over with, and suppose I have not gotten over! lol.. I think i'm grammatically wrong in saying me when I should be using I? anyway with the part I have not gotten over, lets get back to that after my highschool reunion this year, (if i do get to attend it) haha.. why am i saying these things? gosh, its not that i doubt my guy, i shouldn't, i know he loves me, gawd he probably does you know? and i love him don't i? ... but how come i'm so cynical now, why don't i believe that love takes chances and those kind of nasty mushy corny insensible stuffs? I used to be daydreaming about all the time, I used to be really brave and tough when it comes to proclaiming i love you or i want to be with you forever things, how can i be so different now? gawd.. but its not that i miss the old me, or you may say that.. i just miss that feeling of free fall, not afraid, taking the risk, being so alive and not hiding anything..why can't i do that now? lol.. just when i got older, and love could mean something more serious, and just when i'm already with someone, i think about these things..tsktsk..
i guess i'll just pray about it.. i love him ..he knows .. and i hope God guides us on this one.
No comments:
Post a Comment