Love at random

late night random messages

2010-12-02T08:51:00.000-08:00

its been sometime, but it was an ordinary evening, an evening after work, i just thought of saying hello, no purpose at all, well maybe i just wanted him to say hello back so i sent him a message. It took hours before he replied, but this time I wasn't in any torture state of waiting, he said something like I'm okay and nothing really more than that. I wished him good luck like I always did before when I still wanted to say a lot of things but this time I just meant to say good luck really because he's taking his exams soon, and I thought to myself he's still very much the same, he sends messages seemingly he doesn't put any effort to carry on with a conversation, just like exactly the very first time we met months and months ago... so I said goodnight and nothing more than that.. then he replied again, in a way he never answers back when you say goodnight to each other, so he said wait, what about you, how are you? something like that in Tagalog, I told him I'm okay, i mean there wasn't much to say, so he said okay goodnight and take care.. and I said good night too and yes I did say maybe we should get coffee sometime, for no reason at all... I mean I don't mean tomorrow but one of this days, and he said okay, goodnight.. I don't really know what he meant by that, by I guess its fine coffee or without, it'll be nice to see and talk to him again, oh okay for the holidays sake , its Christmas anyway =D

Happy Birthday Love

2010-10-04T03:45:00.000-07:00

happy birthday love!

its my boyfriend's birthday,and well our first month actually, and a first for an official mature relationship for me...lol, you know what i mean.. its also officially October... my schedule will be changing for this month, no more five days straight morning duty and double off after . who knew i would survive that schedule..

i promised to go on a diet..but i never do..gosh.., but i will, i will, ...chester said i'm losing weight but he keeps making fun of me every time anyway so i don't know if there is any truth to that. hmm what else, i went to the supermarket today, then these two ol' women followed me and were asking me something, thinking i was working there.. i was like, what? since i was wearing a blue shirt, i would have said you look like you were the ones working here..but hey that's a bad idea since i was at the cashier and it would sound like working there was below societal measures or what, so i just shrugged it off, and laughed but the two ol' women thought i was making fun of them, sheesh they should get a life..then they even joked about it, i was like huh, what losers..

lol i'm so mean, but i controlled myself..goodness.. anyway what else? and yey wow I've got my first brown paper.. its crazy i know, i'm being sarcastic with the word yey too.. and guess what it wasn't my fault, okay maybe i was at 1% but when you look at it at all angles i wasn't at fault at all, it was clearly an accident but you know how people would like someone always to be at fault, and at accidents no one is at blame... my oh my, but some do not understand that including some old people , my gawd...get a life , how can you seriously be so stupid people?!

yay i'm losing my patience again.. i should not.. no no no, so i am going to stop here..haha

anyway i'm very much happy at the moment.. i miss my boyfriend super.. i wish he's here and we can grab coffee anytime anywhere then i'd tell him about my issues at work or anything nonsense, cause he thinks i'm always amusing even when i'm not..

i miss my lola too, always.. i miss having to tell her about these things, and talking about boys you know.. and i always cry when i talk about her so i'm stopping here.. gosh..

thank you Lord for everything..everytime, everyday.

thoughts

2010-09-22T05:28:00.000-07:00

aloha dear blog!

how am i? im supposed to sleep early today, since my boyfriend won't be online later or he might not find the time to do so today, that's what he said last night over chat.. its really weird, you know, this long distance thingy, i've never been in one, i wish it was easier you know, the circumstances, but well anyway got to live with it if you can't change it..haha.. i started reading our conversation last night over chat, for some reason, i suppose i miss him genuinely when he ain't around.. then i started blog hopping and i decided to visit my old site in multiply, and to browse over my guy's site as well.. albums and photos, his past girlfriends and more.. lol, and i found myself thinking how serious could he have been by those things that he keeps saying the past weeks.. he probably brought home too many girls already, that is factual, .. and well how many more.. and i thought to myself i don't know if i believe him actually, i know i know its weird, but i don't want to get hurt again..never never, i mean i probably would get hurt again if i do decide to open up myself completely, but i do not want to do that yet.. and how i suppose its fair sometimes, .. i remember hanging out with joram, one of my closest friends, and us talking about me, and me in this relationship, and me in my past relationships, me and my past guys, me and the guys I have gotten over with, and suppose I have not gotten over! lol.. I think i'm grammatically wrong in saying me when I should be using I? anyway with the part I have not gotten over, lets get back to that after my highschool reunion this year, (if i do get to attend it) haha.. why am i saying these things? gosh, its not that i doubt my guy, i shouldn't, i know he loves me, gawd he probably does you know? and i love him don't i? ... but how come i'm so cynical now, why don't i believe that love takes chances and those kind of nasty mushy corny insensible stuffs? I used to be daydreaming about all the time, I used to be really brave and tough when it comes to proclaiming i love you or i want to be with you forever things, how can i be so different now? gawd.. but its not that i miss the old me, or you may say that.. i just miss that feeling of free fall, not afraid, taking the risk, being so alive and not hiding anything..why can't i do that now? lol.. just when i got older, and love could mean something more serious, and just when i'm already with someone, i think about these things..tsktsk..

i guess i'll just pray about it.. i love him ..he knows .. and i hope God guides us on this one.

at long last, a new post

2010-09-14T04:51:00.000-07:00

hello dear blogspot,

how are you, been so long since i wrote down something.. let me see, the last one was June, so counting months that would be 3 months, or lets say 12 weeks. hey I've always thought 12 was a lucky number hehe... a lot has happened.. quite a lot.. i am now 23, lol.. i pretty much think like not 23 though, .. Lola is now in a better place..yes.. we all know she is.. i miss her you know, i miss her so bad but sometimes i try really hard not to think about it.. because then i wouldn't feel so sad.. so well, it has been a great journey, thank you Lord.

uhm, what else, a lot of people came over during Lola's wake, and we were almost complete, i mean tita ann, tito nohmar and tito brick were here, almost since tita vivian wasn't here but we all know Lola understood that.. i hope they get to come over really soon, especially on Christmas, that would be so better. (Lord, i know you can hear me). ehehehe

my previous post was about somebody, you know who.. lol, but it seemed like a long time ago since i kept crying like whatever, i would probably see him soon since we always hold a high school reunion every year, and well,we still are classmates after all... i broke my heart again actually after that one, i know right, unbelievable klutz i am tsktsk.. but guess what? I'm with someone now, lets say , yes its pretty much official. lol , i know that's different since i always keep my love life at a low key, very low key that nobody would really care if i suddenly become single again.. now that would be exaggerating because, I'm sort of never single but never in a relationship haha..

anyway and anyhow, yes I'm in a relationship right now (do i hear an applause), haha... my friends know, my family knows.. and God knows.. and you would probably ask me if I am in love with him, well I suppose i am,clearly and honestly i don't know much if there's truth to what i say every time since I've said those words to so many times before to different guys.. (you should know better, i have so many posts about that already =p) .. he's away right now, sort of a long distance relationship.. i have never been in a long distance relationship, so God help me .. and i really meant me, cause i think he could handle it way better ..hehe..
but well wish us luck then.. I'll get back to you soon,

nothing is new at work.. its been a year since i started there ..time passes so quickly. sighs*

song playing: long distance by Bruno mars

* I miss you Lola

Thank you Lord, still for everything..

p.s. it wasn't June, it was April since my last post.. =p I know you missed me..haha..and my emo moods..

2010-04-17T05:57:00.000-07:00

and truth be told.. i miss you..and truth be told i'm lying..

=p

when you see my face hope it gives you hell. now where is your picket fence love and where is that shiny car, did it ever get you far?

=p

I'm just singing along, saw GLEE a couple of days ago and they performed this song, the original was sung by All American Rejects.

and when you find a man who treats you well, then he's a fool, you're just as well..

=p

I like it, i like the song... hmmm bagay ito kantahin sa isang tao na kelan lang ay okay kami .. pero ngayon hindi na! wahehe..at dati nasasaktan ako pero ngayon hindi na din.. =p at bakit bakit bakit? ako ay nakangiti na naman ngayon ulet... habang tinatype eto..

when you see my face hope it gives you hell, when you walk my way hope it gives you hell..

iniisip ko ano kaya sasabihin ko sa 'yo kung sakaling natuloy nga at nagkita tayo ngayong araw na to..? hmm wala...kakanta na lang sana ako ng..and truth be told i miss you.. and truth be told i'm lying...

=p you can take back your memories they are no good to me, and here's to your lies you can look me in the eyes with that sad sad look you wear so well =p................

but truth be told and i'm not lying..im in glee right now =p

may mga araw na ganito

2010-03-11T07:44:00.000-08:00

oo na oo na oo na magda-diet na ko!!! magdadiet na talaga ko... gosh gosh gosh i must have gained weight..at sa dami dami ng sinulat ko sa blog na to na hindi nagkatotoo, eto talaga gagawin ko naaaaaa...kaya ikaw walang kokontra...mamatay na ang kumontra.. wuahahahaha... parang eto yung mga araw na bwisit na bwisit ako sa seatmate ko na si clyde dati kaya ako nagdiet..epektib in fairness....

so anyway ..

nangyari na ba sayo yung pumila ka sa fx, siguro mga pangatlong fx ka pa o pangalawa basta di ikaw yung susunod na makakasakay...tapos naisip mo na ang tagal, mga lima o sampung minuto na wala pa din dumadating, at humahaba na yung pila sa likod mo, tapos narealize mo na paano kaya kung magbus na lang ako o kaya ay magtaxi.. na parang gusto mo na umalis sa pila..pero naisip mo sayang na yung inintay mo na oras diba, tapos ang haba na nga nung pila sa likod mo, tsaka paano kung di ka na makasakay ng bus o taxi din? at paano kung biglang dumating yung fx sakto na umalis ka sa pila?..parang pag-ibig ano? kaya di mo alam kung maghihintay ka ba o aalis na lang.

hanep hanep, naisip ko lang lahat yan habang nakapila ako sa may sm kanina..siyempre hindi na ako nageemote dun tulad ng dati..dahil alam mo na ...

tapos buti na lang dala ko yung headset ko kaya nakikinig ako ng radyo, habang katxt ang ibang tao at tawa ko ng tawa habang kumakanta, at gusto ko na nga sumayaw din ..tapos biglang may lalapit na maglilimos ng pera, hihingi pala ng limos, habang busy ka nagtetext at siyempre di mo papansinin para umalis na lang, pero hindi hindi hindi talaga aalis , hanggang di ko sinasabi na wala..siyempre may pera naman ako pero ewan ko ba't hindi ako nagbigay o bakit hindi nagbibigay ang mga tao... tapos naisip ko din siyempre bakit ba ako yung nilalapitan niya e ang dami dami naman namin doon , dahil ba tumatawa ako o kaya naman e nakaheadset ako..bakit, e wala nga akong pera na pangtaxi e...

hanep talaga... naisip ko lang isulat..bilang ayaw ko na magshout out sa facebook =p

i'm back =D

2010-02-24T05:23:00.000-08:00

ang weird kahapon ay emo ang blog ko pero ngayon ay hindi... just read someone's blog...one of my favorite bloggers sa net actually... " you don't quit just because you're not happy at the moment, that's why its called a relationship.." and i thought to myself, my oh my am i always the quitter..like i stop when it hurts, i stop when i'm not happy, i stop when its unfair...now don't get me wrong, i'm never scared, maybe, next time..i can make it right..with God's help of course....hehehe

anyway..i am back on morning duty! yebah! i miss seeing a lot of people pag duty... and i still love a.m duty because i get to chat with my co-workers and mas exciting kaya, mas madami kaso..okay ang night, pero i look so bloated now, altered kasi ang sleeping at eating habits ko...

goodnyt guys..goodnyt mr. e =D

secrets by one republic

2010-02-23T04:27:00.000-08:00

it still hurts. in a weird way, syempre i stalked his account again,..i wonder why i still do it.. been more than a month already, no talk, no anythings..i'm listening to this song by one republic with the title secrets, so tell me what you want from me?... gawd what do you want from me, it still hurts.. its a secret i supposed, i don't tell anyone about it anymore.. but it does, i wonder kung sino yung bagong babae, kung meron man, siguro wala din naman..ewan ko ..ako ba may bago, okay lang.. entertaining possibilities, trying to open up myself to maybe just maybe the right guy ..pero how do you feel that way na pwede na ulit magmahal when i can't even talk to him yet, i can't admit na nagseselos ako and i'm just not ready yet to let it go...damn. i just need to get it off my chest .

sana makalimutan ko na. sana mawala na.ayoko na jommel..and i keep clicking that name, and i wonder everyday what you did this day, and i do it every single time....shux..tell me what do you want from me.damn...repeat to self.

may work pala ko bukas. time flies by so fast..eto lang yung mabagal ...

rootless tree

2010-02-12T07:36:00.000-08:00

i've been listening to this song...again.. I found it tonight while browsing through music videos from Live @ abbey road channel..

I love the song. I guess its one hell of a break up song.. and one hell of a song for those who got their hearts broken, got dumped, left hanging, misled, cheated on and so on.. I found the song a couple of months ago, when I was trying to move on from someone else.. and I found myself playing it again.. it goes like.. (insert lyrics here) ..let me out, let me out its hell when you're around..

hehe no i am not being dramatic here..but here we go, its almost v-day, oh my..what the..what's the use of v-day when you can't even talk to that guy you like..haha and when I can't even tell him how i feel..oh whats the use (insert another song here)

anyway here's the link to the song , enjoy =D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlnpedLeGbo&feature=PlayList&p=A17B406EFDFF5C51&index=17

P.S. so that's why there's so much emotion into the song, I didn't know Damien and Lisa had a real relationship...lol I wonder though how it feels to sing this kind of song with that person you would probably want to say it to anyway... fuck you. fuck you and all that we've been through..

It's not like what you think it is, haha its very melodramatic and beautiful if you listen to it..classic =D

Haha anyway I don't want to be so negative..its hearts day anyway, and just because I currently miss someone, can't tell him, don't have the courage and don't know what to do so i secretly badly desire he misses me in the same way.... I still think 14 might be a good day after all..its a Sunday anyway and its my off day =D so here is a song..for you.. if you're in love or still looking for that one..or if you found him and don't know it yet or if you know that feeling when you look at someone and realizes that you found the one already..here is a song..its upbeat =D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WwaPv1rZiQ

it's from lisa hannigan, she looks so much better here =D

choco madness

2010-02-10T03:36:00.000-08:00

i know some people are reading this.. haha..and if you ain't my close friend don't ask about it..its my blog..and i'm like this in reality..if i don't tell you about it , di tayo close so wag mo na ko tinatanong..lol.

oh hello online world..i kept saying that i don't like the latest cake from red ribbon, the one called chocolate heaven, its too gooey, chunky (or maybe not), and clay-like but i kept eating it for two days now, in fact im the only one eating the whole cake, slice per slice, eeek plus i kept eating that box of belgian chocolates, omg i'm going on overload, i could feel my tummy enlarging already, not that it ain't big already...ahahha..

anyway its my off day today, but i didn't go anywhere, in fact i was at my workplace today for a meeting... just slept the rest of the day.. and i have work again tomorrow...geez..could you believe that,..at least its payday next week..wuhooo..

im so full right now, i could puke..lol...im just kidding.. haha ..anyway it was his birthday yesterday, oh come on i kept thinking a thousand times if i should greet him...but i did not..and yes i don't plan to, i just kept thinking about it though, i even asked a friend to greet him for me, but my friend did not want to haha.. and i even asked her to add him up so he could read this stupid blogs before it gets covered up with all the other posts... but then again i guess the answer is no.. i checked his account though, like i would usually do.. i wonder when i would stop doing that.. i wish i would stop..but the heck i still can't help it..i kept thinking who is the new one, new girl, new someone, whoever.. so he's found someone already, has he? how come i have not ? why o why then its so unfair, how come its always unfair, how come its not easier considering we were good friends before all this i love him shits.. something like that.. and how could he find someone else in such a short time, that is absurd or not possible.. because I don't know how to do that, so how did he? lol... so i kept checking and checking, stalking and stalking, man i get tired of that.. mentally..but my fingers just kept typing like this..

its almost valentines day, and contrary to the fact that i am technically single, i do have a date.. i guess.. its just weird that the only person id like to be with , well i wonder what he's thinking.. and i don't know what you do with these kinds of situation, like do i pray, i always do but sometimes i just don't get it when God says no.. do i wait..(man i kept doing this), or do i just let it go...hay ang sarap ma inlove ..namimiss ko na lang siya... yun lang...

see yah.

miss you like crazy (naks)

2010-02-07T04:57:00.000-08:00

yehey..may bagong movie si john lloyd at bea!! fan talaga ako pramis =D gusto ko din si sarah at john lloyd...! hehe yung iba di ko pinapanood sa sine, eto lang talaga, ah maliban pala dun sa one more chance di ko kasi pinanood sa sine yun, sa dvd lang, kasi medyo malungkot yung story, pero eto papanoorin ko 'to...nako sana hindi matulad dun sa avatar ha na di ko na napanood talaga..ganda naman kasi ubusan ng tickets hanep! pero eto gusto ko panoorin with matching popcorn at large coke! lol..coke talaga, diet pala ko...kuno..

at may naalala ako..syet eto na naman..haha sabe ko na hindi ako mage-emote dito e, bilang may mga nagbabasa na neto..na ewan ko ba ha public diary daw 'to, hindi naman kaya, nagkataon lang na gusto nila pagchismisan yung kaartehan ko (hindi kasi ako ganito sa work, syempre di ko pa naman ka-close talaga mga tao dun..pero sa mga kaclose ko talaga tulad nila camil at toni at roy, ganito talaga ko magkwento..at magulo naman kasi talaga ang lovelife ko ewan ko ba bakit...pero masaya naman ..=D ) naalala ko sabi niya noon, habang kumakain kami sa padis ng dinner at galing ako ng duty..sabi nia..

J: alam mo yung one more chance parang ganun yung story namin
Ako: Talaga? ikaw kasi lagi mo kinukumpara sa movie
J: hindi ganun talaga, sakto nga
Ako: ay nako, ginagawa mo kasing basehan yun e,hindi yun

tapos eto..parang hindi ba parang eto kami ngayon..haha pramis..syet talaga..haha tapos ako naman magsasabi ng , alam mo ba yung miss you like crazy parang ganun tayo?
weh ang korni haha..natatawa ko..pero bakeeeeeeeeeeettttttttt...ang arts ko..lol .. kinikilig pa din talaga ko..john loid bea!!yipeeeeeeee

ipost ko dito yung trailer..

the dip..in short the point...anu daw

2010-02-05T03:41:00.000-08:00

haha..dahil minsan e binabasa 'to ng mga napakabait kong katrabaho sa ospital... grabe hindi ako emo palage okay! nagkataon lang mahilig ako maginarte pero hindi palage.. lol..

anyway, saw this book while browsing through fully booked facebook account, really interesting description..

The old saying is wrong—winners do quit, and quitters do win.
Every new project (or job, or hobby, or company) starts out exciting and fun. Then it gets harder and less fun, until it hits a low point—really hard, and not much fun at all.
And then you find yourself asking if the goal is even worth the hassle. Maybe you’re in a Dip—a temporary setback that will get better if you keep pushing. But maybe it’s really a Cul-de-Sac, which will never get better, no matter how hard you try.
According to bestselling author Seth Godin, what really sets superstars apart from everyone else is the ability to escape dead ends quickly, while staying focused and motivated when it really counts.

Alam ko na yung feeling na yan, yung sa job sa una masaya tapos hindi na..nakow haha dun sa opisina ko dati masaya naman kasi petiks dun (petiks in short sisiw naman ang trabaho). Yebah ang yabang! But seriously mahirap siya kung magiisip ka kasi lagi araw araw para makapagpasa ng output pero di siya physically exhausting so okay lang sa akin yun, pero hindi na siya masaya after... (except dun sa part na nagulo gulo ang buhay ko dahil sa uhm, wag magkakagusto sa katrabaho mo! lol)... kaya finally i said, i quit! wuhoo ...

sa hobby ewan ko naman, kasi hobby ko maggym pero tamad lang talaga ako ngayon hindi naman dahil sa di na ko masaya... lol

at isa pa sa mga relationships..parang quitter ako anu..lately parang feel ko ganun na ko... instinct ba yun, na sa madalas naman feel ko mali naman ako ng instinct pero minsan tama, lol ewan basta ang gulo...parang sabi ko im not quitting pero pag masasaktan ako nako parang unahan nalang tayo....lol..di naman ganun lage...

oha oha, so gusto ko bilin to, feel ko di na ko nakakapagbasa, i was a bookworm pa naman..more for intellectual stuffs naman!

cheesy keso

2010-02-03T04:29:00.000-08:00

its the love month! and Feb 14 is a Sunday and guess what I dont have work that day.. yipee! Nah, i don't have a date this 14, I was hoping and I actually thought that I would have though, (if you read my previous posts).. I still miss him.. still sucks every time I think about it. I have tried staying away from him, which is actually a lot easier than I imagined since he never bothered to contact me anyway. I still check his facebook account though, (alam mo ba yun yung parang feeling mo moving on ka pero pinapakialaman mo yung account pa din niya, and you secretly wish ginagawa niya din yun..)

My colleagues in my workplace wanted to watch that movie with kim and gerald, i didn't want to. But maybe I would, haha just kidding. Anyway we were not best friends, we were good friends..there is a difference..but the whole twist its the same in the movie..oh my..typical story I guess.

I'm currently listening to nicole hyala's mahal kita kasi,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67QM_REDeNk&feature=player_embedded
ang cheesy! haha gusto ko magtagalog all of a sudden.. =D

Hay lovelife where are you.. ayaw na kitang pilitin kung ayaw mo saken ngayon muna, cge na nga take your time..madami pa din ako kelangan ayusin sa sarili ko ..tulad ng career ko at ang weight loss na forever ko naman na sinasabi...tapos pag okay na, sana handa ka na din ha.. =D at tulad nga ng nabasa ko sa isang blog, ang pag-ibig hindi minamadali at lalong hindi kinakarir..

I thought of deleting this blog, or transferring to another one (again) since i have too many emotional corny notes here about love..but its still all good, besides i'm still hoping he'd read this... lol... unbelievable! =D haha

I have work tomorrow.really early schedule again, and i aim to be really good at what i do, so help me God! =D and please bless Haiti... amen.

500 days of summer

2010-01-29T05:03:00.000-08:00

i thought of wanting to watch 500 days of summer all over again. and i still do..must get a copy. =D

Tom: People don't realize this, but loneliness is underrated.

Tom: What happens when you fall in love?
Summer: You believe in that?
Tom: It's love, it's not Santa Claus.

Rachel Hansen: Just because she's likes the same bizzare crap you do doesn't mean she's your soul mate

Rachel Hansen: Look, I know you think she was the one, but I don't. Now, I think you're just remembering the good stuff. Next time you look back, I, uh, I really think you should look again.

Summer: I woke up one morning and I just knew.
Tom: Knew what?
Summer: What I was never sure of with you.

Tom: Either she's an evil, emotionless, miserable human being, or... she's a robot.

Tom: Look, we don't have to put a label on it. That's fine. I get it. But, you know, I just... I need some consistency.
Summer: I know.
Tom: I need to know that you're not gonna wake up in the morning and feel differently.
Summer: And I can't give you that. Nobody can.

Tom: Did you ever do this, you think back on all the times you've had with someone and you just replay it in your head over and over again and you look for those first signs of trouble

Tom: I love how she makes me feel, like anything's possible, or like life is worth it.

McKenzie: Hey, maybe you should write a book.
Tom: What?
McKenzie: Well, you know, Henry Miller said the best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature

Narrator: Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin and they end with no lasting memory made in between. Most days have no impact on the course of a life.

Summer: Well, you know, I guess it's 'cause I was sitting in a deli and reading Dorian Gray and a guy comes up to me and asks me about it and... now he's my husband.
Tom: Yeah. And... so?
Summer: So, what if I'd gone to the movies? What if I had gone somewhere else for lunch? What if I'd gotten there 10 minutes later? It was - it was meant to be. And... I just kept thinking... Tom was right.
Tom: No.
Summer: Yeah, I did.
[laughs]
Summer: I did. It just wasn't me that you were right about.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1022603/quotes

..............

2010-01-25T07:05:00.000-08:00

okay i admit it, it hurts too bad.. tsk.. not in a way that i'd cry, its a wonder i didn't cry that instance that i realized i lost him, or well he walked away, just like the guys before him did.. i wondered though if it was for real, i've known him for such a long time, and i've always thought it would be easier, less complicated this time.. but okay here we go again.. i can't stand it, i can't stand the thought that he might just be back with her, i could not stand thinking about anything beyond that.. i can't. so i just need to do this.. i wish you could read this. these craps they're all about you anyway if you give a damn. anyway, i have to go..i'm so tired of this.. malamang lilipat na naman ako ng blog after neto dahil puro kaartehan na to..minsan naisip ko isend nalang sayo yung link e, o sana malaman mo para mabasa mo to... hay pag-ibig i hate you na....

tama na muna

2010-01-14T05:29:00.000-08:00

ayoko na. ayoko na ng magulong lovelife.ayoko na ng ganitong sitwasyon. ayoko na nung parang kayo pero hindi kayo.ayoko na ng gusto mo magalit, sumigaw, mainis pero hindi pwede kasi para kang tanga dahil wala ka naman karapatan. ayoko na magisip, ayoko na maparanoid..hay ayoko na talaga..ewan ko kung ano gagawin ko... i try every single time to make it right pero mali pa din.. buti na lang tumugtog yung kanta ni daughtry kanina sa o.r. dahil sobrang ewan , naiinis ako...nagagalit, pero nagiisip pa din.......ayoko na muna ikwento..hayaan na muna naten, hayaan ko na muna eto... iniisip ko tuloy ngayon yung sinasabi ni camil, na lagi na lang daw at this too shall pass..sana nga katulad ko din siya in a way na ayaw ko masaktan na, dahil ako sugod ng sugod..ay mali talaga yun.. hay tama na, di ko na alam din ano gagawin, totoo di ko na din alam...

magdadasal na lang muna ko at kakanta ...what about now, what about today? what if you're making me all that i'm meant to be...

so tama na muna...o diba..hindi ko muna to bibisitahin...lol....puro kadramahan na tong blog na to...kaloka...hehehehe

babye muna..

at sa natatanging nagbabasa neto..

haha wag ka na magcomment muna dito, ayaw ko na nga to buksan, magkwentuhan nalang tayo sa ym if online ka din =D tska good luck ah, basta kung ano tingin mo dapat at kung san ka masaya, i support you..andito lang ako to listen... =D

update lang

2010-01-13T05:03:00.000-08:00

Nag attend ako sa despidida ng aking isang kabarkada nung highschool, si rossmark! sasakay na siya ng barko to work in a cruise ship bilang isang chef... nakalimutan ko yung job title exactly, hehe basta parang after ng sous chef iyon.. so i attended bago ako dumiretso for my first night duty sa operating room.. Kumain kami sa may banawe q.c. at chef robert na restaurant.. had fun , see pictures sa facebook =D.. tapos nagduty, pero wala naman ginawa as in super swabe , nakatulog pa nga kami ni sir wilbert, kwentuhan at konting updates ng night work...

i miss you, ayoko magsound so needy, or desperate or paranoid, but i miss you, inisip ko hindi ka itext ng ilang araw, dati kaya ko naman , pero okay so nakaya ko ng more than a day gawin, but not more than 2 days...lol... so nagtext ako, i knew na may meeting ka every wednesday but anyway gusto ko lang itext ka, to say i miss you..naks kasi naman namimiss talaga kita, e ano ba mapapala ko kung di ko sasabihin...haha, pero sumasakit na kasi yung ulo ko kakaisip sayo, busy naman ako, may work pa ko ng lagay na to pero namimiss kita talaga... alam ko na busy ka talaga ngayon kasi napromote ka nga, at siyempre i'm proud of you and i always pray naman na (alam mo na yun Lord hehe)... so sabi mo sa akin pasensya na sobrang busy lang talaga..and siguro eto yung feeling mo nun anu, yung ako yung sobrang sabog sa schedule na ilang beses ko kinacancel yung mga lakad naten dahil nagbago sched ko tapos nagsorry ako sayo tapos yung di ako pwede lumakad kasi may duty ako and all, eto siguro yun, tapos nagtatampo ka..hehe, nakakamiss , kasi ikaw naman yung super busy..hay ano ba yan, haha bakit ba ganito ang pag-ibig...

nabasa ko lang ito sa post ng isang friend sa facebook

I'm scared as hell to want you, but here I am, wanting you anyway. And fear means I have something to lose, right? And I don't want to lose you. - Meredith Grey

ako takot pa din, ganun pa din pero more than takot ako may nararamdaman pa ko na iba, and i guess its faith, kasi okay pa din.. maliban sa takot na nararamdaman ko , wala ng iba pa, so magusap nalang ulit tayo okay , may ibibigay din kasi ako sa'yo at sana wala ka pa nun ...haha...

and sasabihin ko sana lahat to sayo pero di pa nga tayo makapagkitakita at busy .... hmm..miss na kita sobra...

facebook lang ng madaling araw

2010-01-11T10:23:00.000-08:00

nakita ko sa account ni boris ang kantang ito. hindi ako nageemote ngayon, sa totoo lang naghahanap ako ng work sa ibang bansa, tapos nagfacebook.. ewan ko ba ayaw ko makarelate, pero sige na nga, konti meron...lol...naalala ko tuloy nung okay pa kami ni boris (alam mo na yung kwento), we'd listen to songs like these ng madaling araw, mahilig kasi siya sa love songs, ewan ko ba dun....... ayoko na muna sana ng love songs, sinusundan yata nila ako...

"what did i say, what did you do? how did i fall in love with you?"

iniisip ko ngayon ano kaya gagawin ko, night duty ako bukas pala... at sinisipon ako , hay ... life is good pa din =D thank the Lord =D thank you Lord.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbxrH44Afko&feature=related

maybe its time for miracles

2010-01-10T01:47:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ngfpipJo4fQ

ang link sa itaas ay idinededicate ko sa aking kaibigan na si camil, at sa akin din ehem, at sa lovelife ng mga tao na magulo pero masaya at makulay..

nasa fx ako nito e, pauwi na galing duty, tapos sabi ko sa sarili ko ayaw ko na kausapin si jommel dahil nga galit ako sa kaniya, hindi naman ako galit, ewan ko ba may ginawa siya na bigla ko naalala si willy at yung mga hindi maganda na bagay na dapat di na talaga iniisip pa... tapos i said hay Lord eto na naman tayo...ako pala..and this song starts playing sa fx..e di naisip ko kelan pa nauso sa akin yung natakot ako, well lagi naman ako takot, every single day na masaktan ulit, pero alam mo yun...no more lies...im not going to lie, i'd rather try and know than never try...

so this song starts playing...and there you go with the lyrics...baby you know that, maybe its time for miracles, i ain't giving up on us....... ang sweet ano..hehe... and i'm happy with him, and we are different compared nung high school pa kami...could you believe that, someone you knew nung highschool pa and seatmate mo and someone i used to share my crushes with, yung lalaking lagi din nambibwicit sakin dahil sa uniporme ko at yung lalaking nangongopya at kinokopyahan ko sa math.. i've never imagined i'd feel this way about him.. i always knew he's one of the great guys and he turned out to be one... at congratulations pala kay jommel!! (clap clap clap) hehe for being promoted as the youngest project manager sa company niya...

jommel: may sasabihin ako sayo, ikaw ang isa sa mga unang makakaalam, actually wala pa nakakaalam
ako: ano? hahaha, natatawa ko ano ba yan
jommel: i got promoted, as the youngest project manager, pero di pa inannounce
ako: wow, really..congrats!

haha ewan ko ba syet....gusto ko din sabihin nun wow congrats, i love you haha

hay christine, baliw ka talaga ..lol

=D

2010-01-08T09:14:00.000-08:00

pwede pala yung masaya ka super ng isang oras, and the next hour ganun ka din kalungkot.. and parang tanga dahil isang tao lang din ang dahilan.. Lord..ayoko na umiyak, please.,wag naman ulit..bigyan nyo po ako ng courage to let go and accept things..courage please..and sign please. anything.. kaya ko pa naman..please

and ang weird na tumutugtog yung smile na kanta ni uncle kracker and i'm starting to cry...

haha and i'm laughing cause i'm crying..it's really whatever..i'd just pray and go to sleep..

=D thank you Lord still...please give me that courage and clear mind.......thanks.

it came over me in a rush

2010-01-05T05:57:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TC16HafN840&feature=related

I find myself now listening to this song over and over, saw the first few lines of the lyrics in a friend's status in face book, decided to search for the song...
' it came over me in a rush, when i realized that i love you so much'

i start falling and falling every single day, its like a little step everyday,never so sure but like faith, i just feel its going to be okay.. it just came over me, I now find myself thinking of him more often than i usually do.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DL3_UKuysWc

And i can't find the words to express how i feel ...so i'm leaving that link above...

.................i'm just thankful Lord. thank you.

quite a lot of wondering lately

2010-01-03T07:00:00.000-08:00

i'm home from a simple reunion with my college friends. Had a lot of fun, ate lunch @ Bigoli, videoke worth 400 pesos in timezone and dinner at Tempura (location: Trinoma). For pictures please see my facebook account hehe =D

I've not much news today blog. Well i have to wake up at 4am tomorrow, I have work at 6am. Its him again, I guess its going to be like this for awhile until things start to get clearer (I really pray it does soon). He told me his ex called him up, missed call I supposed at past 3 am last night, said he couldn't sleep afterwards. They did not talk, it was a missed call. And I was thinking, what do I say, how do I feel? I've always been wondering lately. Its like I wanted to tell him to pick me and love me just as much, maybe greater, that I am a new start and I wish and I really wish he would take that start. But I just couldn't do that, its not that simple, I do not own his emotions or his life. I called him up to ask if he's okay, told me he's going to be fine. I don't know what to feel, its past eleven in the evening and I'm browsing through his account, staring at their family photos taken just this Christmas. I guess everytime we do a little growing up (age wise and maturity wise),the way in which we fall in love starts to change too. I was thinking what if I'm just that girl he brought home instead, what if it was us all along, what if .. and why do I wish to be that girl now, so badly. I just want to be that woman, that woman he needs.

Okay time to sleep... just some of my thoughts.. get back to you..goodnight =D

you're just like a star

2010-01-02T06:04:00.000-08:00

i made a lot of resolutions for this year and posted them in my facebook account. i broke some already, well probably not since I placed 'try' at the start of every line, lol. I remember placing there , i will try not to assume, not to expect and not to confront people. I guess I did quite a good start on that.

i was wondering though what you meant by what you said. (see its the downside of not being confrontational! haha).

i wondered why you called me up and started talking about your plans for this year. i wondered really what you meant when you said you can finally get a girlfriend because you believe you're ready. i wondered why you asked me, what do i think? I didn't say anything but I was thinking, what answer are you looking for? you know how i feel about you, it's just weird but i knew i didn't have to say anything, because i could feel it. i can feel that message you're trying to tell me. I wished you'd learn how to say it out flat just like I always do (haha, but I know you well).I guess that's the good thing when you've known each other since high school, i guess that's a bonus. When you can talk about anything, when you can tell your guy exactly how you feel, when you can cry because you're really hurting and you can tell that person why and what you need and not fearing you won't talk again ever after that(previous cases please), when you can laugh out loud, eat like there's no tomorrow, go shopping for dresses and heels with that guy and enjoy every single second of it together. I wanted to tell you,I'm falling for you. I know I am, i wanted to blurt it out right then just when you were so busy telling me all your plans, when you were sharing them with me and when the song 'Like a star' by Corinne bailey rae was playing while we were talking. It was just beautiful like that song, i guess that moment was beautiful, and im really looking forward to seeing you again, i haven't seen you since the holidays... and even though we were just talking last night, i miss you now.
i wonder why it is...just like the song says.

pray pray pray

2009-12-26T04:30:00.000-08:00

to answer one of my closest friend's post.

bago ang lahat..let me post a prayer too.,

Lord please grant me patience, faith and understanding and most of all love in the way You would have wanted me to give otherwise.

Its a prayer well for most aspects of my life na magulo, lalo na ang lovelife ko,

mahilig daw ako sa kumplikadong relasyon, yung mga lalakeng magulo ang isip, sabog, may hangups, not ready, hindi alam ang gusto at marami pang iba.
hindi totoo. ayoko.sino ba ang may gusto, siguro yung mga masaya na nasasaktan, pero ako hindi ako masaya na, hindi na siguro kung paulit ulit, masaya lang sa una para i-testing kung marunong ba ko magmahal (which is hindi ko pa din alam paano mo ba nalalaman na mahal mo, pag nasaktan ka ba mahal mo na? - eto yung topic namin ni toni sa kenny rogers nung isang araw hehe). hindi ko din alam bakit alam ko na magulo na ay tinutuloy ko pa din, kasi siguro yun ba yung tinatawag na taking chances, kasi siguro ganun talaga minsan kelangan mo subukan para malaman mo. at hindi ko alam kung bakit kelangan ko ng confrontations, hindi ako mahilig sa confrontations, ayoko din, (hindi na naman totoo na dahil nagtatanong ako lagi ay hindi ako marunong makahintay), nagtatanong ako kasi nasasaktan na ako, teka rephrase naten, nagtatanong ako dahil nararamdaman ko na parang masasaktan na ko, at takot ako sa ganun, ang weird lang ay bakit nagtake chance ako tapos takot akong masaktan, e kasi naman tao lang naman ako, isa sa mga ordinaryong tao na umaasa na may istorya tulad nung mga naririnig naten na ideal man, ideal relationship, yung mga tipong can't live without you, crazy, happy happy na pag-ibig, na siguro totoo yung mga naririnig natin na love songs, na may totoo kahit papano, hindi perfect pero totoo.

o yun na nga siguro yung problema ko ngayon, alam ko naman hindi perfect, masaya nga pero at the end of the day pag tinanong ako ng mga kaibigan ko hindi ko masabi na kami nga, kasi hindi naman kami, pero bakit ganon parang kami naman, kulang na lang yung gawing official, bakit hindi pwede, kasi hindi pa siya nakamove on, kasi hindi niya alam kung nakamove on na siya, at ako? ewan ko minsan naisip ko ano yung ginagawa ko, yung naghihintay ako, na tatanga tangahan lang, minsan naman narerealize ko at naiisip ko na kaya ko naman siguro kung masasaktan ulit ako ngayon, pero please let it be quick, yung bukas wala na, pero mas gusto ko isipin na hindi na ako masasaktan ngayon kasi hindi pwede yung parehas na ending sa loob lamang ng isang taon,.. kanina tinitingnan ko yung picture ni willy , binuksan ko yung facebook niya profile niya, okay lang, hindi na siya masakit, hindi na tulad ng dati...

at para sa aking kaibigang mahal, salamat at lagi mo inoofer yung librong yun! haha, di ko din alam e bakit ganoon magulo lagi ano, pero aayos din yan, naniniwala ka din naman diba, at dun sa sitwasyon mo, sana makita mo o maramdaman mo kung totoo ba at worth it ba, tapos isipin mo din mabuti, at kung saan ka magiging masaya sa tingin mo, i support you...bilang parehas lang tayo lagi sabog magisip minsan ..hehe =D i miss you.

eugene '03 reunion 2009

2009-12-26T04:12:00.000-08:00

today's the reunion day, eugene batch 2003,
did not go, chose partly not to go
ewan ko kung may nainis sakin dahil di ako nagpunta pero siguro wala naman
from duty natulog ako sa dorm, naligo, nagbihis, nagayos, nagisip, nakipagkwentuhan kay jeni, nagtext kung kanino ako sasabay, tinext ko si jommel pero naisipan niya na dumiretso don, sayang sana dumaan siya siguro tumuloy ako, si jobel nagreply pero ayaw naman niya pumunta at kasama niya si ian, si toni may date daw, si gerald nasa monumento, si redits hindi sumasagot, si maat as usual nagtatanong, si joram hindi ko magets yung reply... humiga nalang ulit ako sa kama sa dorm, tiningnan ang oras, naisip na uuwi na lang ako para matulog, maginternet tulad nito... iloop ang kanta ni sara bareilles na many the miles sa youtube, naisip ko pano if pumunta ako wala lang naman, naisip ko yung ako at ang di ko maintindihan na lovelife ko na masaya naman pero sana totoo, at naisip ko din na tapos na ang pasko, wow ang bilis , back to normal na naman ang mga kaso sa operating room ng capitol sa lunes, naisip ko paalis na si jeni, wala na akong room mate dahil si doktora kaye bihira din andoon, wala na ko makekwentuhan pag hindi ko maintindihan si jommel o ang sarili ko, pag toxic sa o.r., pag may lakad ako, wala na din magkkwnto sa akin at kashare ko sa grocery, nakakalungkot naman, hay, sana maayos din niya ang magiging bagong buhay niya, sana matuloy kami sa lunes para kumain at makapagbonding din bago siya umalis,.. sana maging okay na lahat, sana sana maging maayos na lahat ng magulong bagay at sitwasyon... pati na ang charger ng laptop ko na compaq hp.

i'm praying for a better umbrella

2009-12-18T02:50:00.000-08:00

dahil sakto din ang tinext ni ryan, (salamat friend)
"heavy rains remind us of challenges in life.. never ask for a lighter rain, just pray for a better umbrella."

ito ang chat namin ni ishi sa ym, ipapaste ko dito kasi ito na din naman ang kwento...
=D... hay Lord ikaw talaga lagi mo ako sinusubukan, broken hearted na nga ako dati, tapos ngayon okay na ko, may bago na naman, hehe pero kaya ko to pramis... kung anu man yung gusto mo matutunan ko.. =D

Tine: me kkwnto ako sau , hhngi ako ng opinyon mu
ishi: sige sige
Tine: cge
Tine: kunwari ikaw to
Tine: hehe
ishi: oo. role playing
ishi: hahaha
Tine: lols
Tine: may friend ka
Tine: dati pa mga 7 yrs na kau mgkakilala
Tine: guy cia
Tine: di naman kau close na close pero okay kau like nguusap once in awhile
Tine: cge highschool frend mo cia tas kaklase mo din
Tine: haha
ishi: tapos
Tine: tapos
Tine: may gf cia
Tine: hayskul pa
Tine: tas wala ka naman interes sa knia more than a friend
Tine: althou alam mo matino ciang guy and all never mo naman naisip more than that kasi may jowa
Tine: tas ikaw din me jowa ka and all
Tine: tas ngaun both working na kau and all
Tine: a few months ago kinontak ka nia parang umalis ekek
ishi: oh tapos
Tine: so pmyag ka naman kasi dati naman nung college umaalis kau n kaung dalawa lang
Tine: kasi wala tlgang malisya ekek
Tine: tas pag nagusap naman kau parng oi alis tau
Tine: tara ekek ganun lang
Tine: lol gets mo b haha
ishi: oo
ishi: tapos?
Tine: e di umalis kau tas ngkkwntuhan
Tine: then nalaman mo nagbreak na sila nung gf nia pala
Tine: so prang ngadvce ka lang na okay lang yan kaya mo yan ekek
ishi: oo
ishi: tapos?
Tine: tapos ganun ln
Tine: mgktxt kau aftr
Tine: tas nasundan pa un
Tine: cgro mga once a wk ln naman or once every wk
Tine: magaaya cia tas aalis kau
Tine: hndi naman date kasi prang alis brkada ln tlga
Tine: tas ciempre lagi nu npaguusapan ung prob nia
Tine: tas ikaw din may problem ka din
Tine: sa sarili mong lablife na mgulo
Tine: so share share kau ng mga payo
Tine: cgro mga 4 months ganun ln kau
Tine: tapos sumhow
Tine: u started thinking
Tine: wat if nging kau or sumthng cgro mas mdali un para di na kau namomoblema
Tine: diba tas u dismissed the idea kasi naman mgkaibigan kau tska parng wala naman malisya
Tine: and then suddenly prng ngbago cia sau
Tine: ngttxt na cia ng mga i enjoyed my time with u
ishi: abaaaa
Tine: i mean hndi naman cia ganun dati
Tine: mgttxt ln un ng oi salamat nxt time ule mga ganun
Tine: pero di mo lang pnancin
Tine: tas mamaya hinhatid ka na nia o kaya dadaanan ka nia sa haus mo
Tine: tas tmtawag na cia mga ganung bagay
ishi: ahh. developing country na ito
Tine: lol teka it gets magulo
Tine: haha
Tine: so prang feel mo may iba na tlga
Tine: pero ciempre weird kasi hs frends kau pa
Tine: tapos minsan
Tine: pag nagsasalita cia parng wala ng bago between u and him
Tine: pero minsan parng alam mo merong iba
ishi: ahh
Tine: tapos naisip mo na gsto mo malaman
Tine: kung anu b tlga
Tine: pero di mo alam kasi baka mamaya wala namn so awkward naman
ishi: sa personality ba nya, sya ba yung nagte-take ng time?
Tine: panung take time?
ishi: i mean yung hindi nagmamadali
Tine: yep parng ganun
Tine: i mean di mo alam kasi isa lang gf nia
Tine: since nung hayskul
Tine: i mean hindi pala isa
Tine: pero nung collge na un pa din kasi
Tine: ah eto pa pala
Tine: parng alam na din ng mga kklse nu dati nung hayskul
Tine: kasi nkikita nu sila sa mall or sumwer
Tine: pag mgksama kau
Tine: tas prang npaguusapan nu na nachchismis na kau tas ngttawanan lang kau
Tine: pero between the two of u di nu alam kung anu meron tlga haha
ishi: in fairness may ganun pa. hahahaha
Tine: lols haha
Tine: nttawa ako pero nasasad din ako haha
Tine: tas tinanong ko nga
Tine: so ako na to e nu first person na haha
Tine: tas matgal cia sumagot
Tine: ang tanung ko eto
Tine: wat are we exactly
ishi: super naguguluhan ka ba?
Tine: sobraaaaaaaa
ishi: ganito
ishi: may problema rin si roy dati na ganyan
ishi: ganito sinabi ko
ishi: wag ka maguluhan kung ano na ang status nyo or kung nasan na kayo. iejoy mo kung ano meron ngayon
ishi: sarap ng feeling di ba
ishi: kasi baka madisappoint ka pag hindi yung naiisip mo ang mangyari
ishi: *ienjoy
Tine: okay
Tine: ginagawa ko naman un
Tine: pero ang problem
Tine: i think im falling in love with him
Tine: tapos nattakot na ko kasi alam ko may history cia ng breakup
Tine: from a long term relationship
Tine: teka tapusin ko ung kwnto
ishi: sige
Tine: malpit na sa mgulong part
Tine: so sumgot cia
ishi: wala pa pala
ishi: hahaha
Tine: haha
Tine: oo wala pa hahaha
Tine: sabi nia alam ko na alam mo kung anu gsto ko mangyari
Tine: alam ko din na narrmdaman mo naman na
Tine: pero hndi ko na alam ggwin ko kasi alam mo naman kung saan ako nangagaling
Tine: ang catch is ito
Tine: althou sinsabi nia okay na cia
Tine: hindi pa sila ule nguusap nung ex nia
Tine: kasi ang gsto nung babae wala munang commnication
Tine: since nung september pa
Tine: cool off sila nung may , tas offcial na break july
Tine: so okay sumgot ako
Tine: sabi ko hndi ko na alam kasi kung anu ggawin ko pero gsto kita intndihin
Tine: pero ciempre takot na ko kasi alam ko gsto ko na cia e
Tine: tas sinabi nia kung tntnong mo ko kung may more than frends , ang sgot ko oo, gsto ko subukan pero ang gulo gulo, hindi ko pa din kaya kausapn ung ex ko
Tine: tapos sabi ko anu ggawin naten, anu na next dito ..mahirap naman bumalik sa normal all of a sudden na parng walang kakaiba samin
Tine: tas he said
Tine: alm kong parng gago pero please pahingi ng time
ishi: ay ganun. waitlisted. parang entrance exam
Tine: un na nga e
Tine: tas sabi ko sa knia
Tine: nasaan ka na ba
Tine: kung byahe yan i mean nglalakad ba cia
Tine: may pnatutunguhan ba cia
Tine: sabi nia hes trying to move on pero kung ang gsto ko e iconfront nia ung babae hndi daw nia kaya pa
Tine: tapos ayaw nia daw masaktan ako, pero nssktan na ko already
ishi: korek
Tine: tas i said aykong intayin ka e
Tine: pero parng wala ko choice
Tine: kasi di naman pde na tomoro
Tine: di na kita gsto
Tine: so prng di ko na alam
Tine: tas i said ewan ko na kasi i think i was crying na dahil maskit cia in fairness
Tine: tas aftr nun di muna kami nguusap mga mg 2 days
Tine: so there...un na
Tine: anu tingin mu
ishi: awww....
ishi: kung gusto ka talaga nya, pag nakausap na nya yung ex nya
ishi: babalikan ka nya kaagad
Tine: ah kasi ateng
Tine: alam mo naman ung 7 yrs diba
Tine: hindi naman bsta bsta un
Tine: oo nga mgkaibigan kami ng mtgal pero ciempre iba pa din un
Tine: parng sana i didnt have to compete with that, sana hindi ako ung sequel parng sana fresh start
ishi: te ganito. medyo may insecurity sa tagal nung past relationship. pero iba ka naman eh. ang relationship mo sa kanya eh unique. nakilala mo muna sya ng maigi bago kayo dumating sa ganyang stage.
ishi: atsaka wag ka matakot te. taking chances yan. sa future malay natin di ba, maganda ang kalalabasan
Tine: nttakot tlga ko ng sobra
Tine: i mean okay lang sakin ung time na un and all
Tine: kung kelngan nia e kadamutan naman kung sbhn ko di pde tska kagagahan un
Tine: pero pano kung okay na tlga kmi tas tska nia kausapin
Tine: tas marealize nia mahal nia pa
Tine: its such a big risk na naiicip ko pa lang nassktan na ko
ishi: ah hindi pwede yun. bago maging offically kayo. tanungin mo muna kung ok na sya sa past relationship nya
ishi: or magpaligaw ka
ishi: para mapatunayan nya
Tine: okay teh
Tine: pero wat do i do now
ishi: bigyan mo nga sya ng time
ishi: kasi mahirap talaga sa sitwasyon na hindi sigurado
ishi: baka lalo ka ma-hurt at ayaw natin yon.
Tine: mtgal ba ung time na un?
Tine: prang npapgod na din kasi ako sa mga ganung eksena
ishi: te pag napagod ka, mawawala lahat ng effort mo.
Tine: so hndi ko muna cia kausapin?
Tine: tas eto tinanung nia ko
Tine: sabi nia im sori
Tine: gsto mo ba na huminto ako
Tine: tas i said ayoko..dahil ayoko tlga
ishi: ahh. may option.
Tine: kasi nga he said im falling in love with u pero hndi ko pa kaya ung confrontation na mga ganun
Tine: hay kaloka ang hirap hirap naman
ishi: kayanin mo. konting tulak lang.
Tine: paanong tulak
ishi: konting lakas ng loob. kung ako yun, kung gusto mo ako, patunayan mo. hindi pwede basta mag-give in kasi maganda sana na pinaghirapan ka rin nya makuha kesa sa rebound ka lang ng isang mahabang relationship.
Tine: yep ur right
Tine: kaya nga ayaw ko ng sequel gsto ko bagong libro na
ishi: korek
ishi: kaya mag-ipon ng lakas ng loob
ishi: hahaha
Tine: may kelngn pb ako gawin
Tine: prang may kelngn ba ko gawin in my part
ishi: yung paghihintay nga. na maayos nya yung emotional baggages nya at yung pagpapatunay na karapat-dapat sya sayo.
ishi: kung hindi nya kaya ma-fix lahat ng yun. then yung na yung time na out ka na sa picture
ishi: lahat ng ito, courage ang kailangan mo.
Tine: cge cge gagawin ko
Tine: salamat
ishi: ok lang naman na umiyak lagi dahil nasasaktan ka. pero deretso pa rin sa goal.

..........
and my plan... continue on, siguro kelangan niya talaga ng time, siguro kelangan ko rin, pero its always a different story, who knows this time its going to go well.. =D

talks and more corny talks

2009-09-25T06:55:00.000-07:00

I've been reading Yoshke's blogs (www.yoshke.com).

He's one of my favorite bloggers. Well aside from blogs ni Camil, I don't really read other people's blogs, uhm okay , I did read boris' and kuya pow's before.

It's raining again.. i'm listening to glee's don't stop believing on youtube. I might watch t.v. later just to kill time, oooh time, i've so much of you lately, I think not having much of you would be good...for a change.. I have a feeling my time will go into overhaul pretty soon. I got a call from the hospital awhile ago. I was asked to complete my working documents and i said yes, i'll be more than ready in two weeks. Welcome again working world!It's pretty good really, especially sweldo days, and at least you don't think much of other stuffs.. like thinking about willy..willy, willy, willy.... i love him. Okay so right now i think i do.. so let me be..

I remember one conversation we had via sms, we fought a couple of days ago before this, then we made up, well its more like I start a fight then you don't react then we start talking again like nothing happened,..woah i miss that..It makes me feel really corny, mushy and oh so not me but real good...like this one...

ako: corny mo..
him: ikaw yun e hehehe,
ako: hehe, but i miss you still
him: talaga, bakit?
ako: ewan ko, miss lang kita
him: sus, pwede ba yun, bakit nga?
ako: kelangan ba may dahilan?
him: oo,bakit?
ako: ewan ko sayo
him: sinabi mo pa
ako: arte mo ha, di mo ba ko miss
him: sabihin mo muna bakit
ako: sabihin mo muna miss mo ko
him: miss you
ako: bakit
him: ikaw muna, tas sasabihin ko

and my oh my, I wanted to reply, because I think I'm falling in love with you..but no I did not say that. Roy said be careful with those words, and I'm trying to be really careful. I'm 22, I've had a lot of failed relationships, albeit short ones, most were almosts (if you get what I mean) and sometimes I'm not sure what they're really called... but I wanted to say I love you that night.. but of course I did not.

I'm just wondering really, what it is that you were expecting to hear? you asked, bakit? and I on't get why would you even ask, and you said, sabihin mo muna. Is it the same thing I've thought of... I love you Mr. Buttercup (listen to the song and you'll know why, again , corny *sighs). You'd probably won't be able to read this, but I've loved very few.. I did.. and you were my second shot actually, I just don't know if I blew this one altogether, after all like what Yoshke said, I ain't a fan of second chances too.. except this time..

hey, i'm really hoping we could talk, before things gets crazy this coming days..

music trip

2009-09-23T09:13:00.000-07:00

current song: must get out by maroon 5
current mood: bumming around

today was a rainy day, its fine,.. wala naman akong emote na ginawa, i looked into his fb account using joram's kasi di na kami connected... okay na din na di kami connected, sa facebook lang naman, kasi naiisip ko laging puntahan at titigan lang yung page niya, at hindi siya nakakatulong saken..sabi nga sa kanta ,"there's only so much i can do for you, after all of the things you put me through..yeah.."..so i say din, "this is not goodbye, it is just time for me to rest my head.." i guess my friends are right, camil is right..we had a really good talk last night over ym, there were a couple of months we missed out kasi , well medyo may attitude problem ako before, if you say no saken, i throw fits..sabi ni roy at ni camil, and sabi ni willy, but kahapon nung naguusap kami ni camil, she said something and i replied with, "i respect that," and she said, ikaw ba yan? OMG nagbago ka na.. kasi usually you would say hindi mali ka pa rin... hahaha and i laughed, i said aware ako sa ugali ko na ganun, and she said, i hate to say this pero baka nga dahil kay willy nagbago ka, thanks to willy...and we both laughed... the thing is, its true, it wasnt him , i mean it was because i tried and i really wanted to make a mature relationship out of this one, ..natuto din naman ako , with every single failure sa relationships natututo ako, and i was willing to be better..yun nga lang... mali ata yung tao, kasi he said he isnt ready...naisip ko paulit ulit...anyway sabi ni camil, ayusin mo muna sarili mo, ayusin muna naten sarili naten..malay mo si jommel,..haha we always talk about jommel lately, kasi she said yun daw mga type ko dati.. well the truth is as much as i imagined it to be us, well matagal na kami magkakilala, and i like him, ive always had but not to the point it bothers me, i think hes one heck of a good guy, but i guess we're having problems sa relationships namin, and he's my friend, i hope we get through this, i hope he does, so i text him every now and then... and well madami naman updates lately, ang wala lang yung sa work ko,..im going to get in sa capitol this year,..im preparing myself because im going to do an overhaul, meanwhile habang hinihintay, im going to the gym tomorrow perhaps, spend time with family, with friends, surf the net ng walang sawa at magupdate at makinig sa music..Life is good, God is good.... =) pasensya ka na Lord pag maemote ako ha, madrama talaga ako, sabi ni jobel, you have a way of compounding sadness...hehehe... no wonder we're close , they know me...im so transparent hehehe... i don't want to be sad na, i just want to work, and have this road clearer, what to do, help people, be good, help people....

im not giving up, im making your love, this city's made us crazy and we must get out..

love love love and coffee

2009-09-22T07:37:00.000-07:00

currently listening to: covers by ASAP sessionista
online sa facebook, talking to camil and toni

spent the day with camila and mechelle, lunch, shopping, strolling, camera pics, boy/guy/men hunt sa trinoma, bought jeans, yebah 29 na lang jeans ko, bought shirt from giordano, coffee bond at coffee bean and career talks, love talks and stuff... had a really fun day,....

camil tagged me, what was the craziest thing you've done for a guy/ for love?

my answer..i am yet to do that..hahahah..anyway we all get crazy for falling in love... but i guess its always the usuals, the sad love songs, the depression, the emotional circus, the sad love quotes, the waiting, the hopinh, the praying, the crying and trying and trying.. and the closures that never arrive...tsk.. camil said i should read the book, he's just not that into you..and i decided to borrow it this morning but i changed my mind, i just did not want to read any book, that will influence how i am feeling right now, i want the words i am going to tell him, and the actions i am going to do this coming days, to come from me, straight from my heart and no pretensions...haha yuck..talk about kaartehan, .... said i won't wait for him, said he's not worth it, said a lot of things, but i ain't fooling anyone..i like that guy, and if he isn't the one, that will suck, really really suck again...okay suck sounds like gayish here...and it'll probably hurt..awhile..but we all get pass it, then we find another one..haha i might have just found him...haha..my oh my, i should stop thinking about that,...i was thinking of jommel awhile ago, and i wonder, why we never ended up with each other, all these years, then of course cause he had a girlfriend all these years and i looked like do not mention it, during highschool, and love wasn't something i thought of seriously, not until now... and if i think the first cut is the deepest... ? (tanong ni camil sa landmark kanina).. i say yes? haha cause michael, well you were the first one, and took me years , literally, ..well there were guys after him, but i just could not bring myself to be as stupid as i was when it was about michael...i mean not until we started talking again, and i picked up the pieces finally, and i decided i will try that again, that crazy, all out, no more pretending love,...and guess what..i decided i'd risk it with willy..and here's what i want to ask him... sabi nga sa chuck na series

Chuck: this you, me, us thing? ..is it ever going anywhere...

(tanong niya kay sarah...and well sarah said , im sorry)

in reality here's what i asked months ago

ako: may pupuntahan ba to?
siya: im sorry, im not ready

and i cried..haha stupidly cried, because i felt like i couldnt breathe and parang mabigat siya..gets mo..yeah i probably got hurt...tsk..cause you say i like you, and you're about to give your heart to that person, nakangiti ka pa then you get something like, im sorry... hahaha..tsk ... but we're passed that stage, i don't know where we are exactly...so i'd get back to you..okay?... i miss him, i miss him everyday.. i wish he feels the same way...tsk..

love, sometimes you think you got it

2009-09-18T08:57:00.000-07:00

mood: listening and wondering
song: Love is trippy by Amy Kuney

currently listening to Love is Trippy by Amy Kuney

okay ang lyrics ha, sabi nga ni kirby sa facebook, sapul daw, love is trippy..at sabi naman ni theo, tsk tsk... haay ang sabi ko naman, love is trippy, sometimes you think you got it.. and i thought a lot of times i got it, then it slips away...haay...it slips away.. na hindi mo alam kung bakit o paano, o kung may magagawa ka pa ba or tama na ba yung ginawa mo or may dapat ba gawin, im starting to realize, I guess its slipping away, whatever was between Willy and i, we don't talk like it anymore, and i kinda miss it, i guess.. sabi nga sa kanta, starving for yeses or maybes, tired of always being ignored... i kept browsing sa profile niya, and i was looking at his pictures and i wonder how i fell in love with him, tsk but too late...hay but love it keeps slipping away na lang, i guess it happens..it always does... one year ago, i would have not thought i would meet new people and fall in love again, but i did, one year ago it was just veterans, bryan, it was people i worked with there, it was mending my broken heart over people and it was jobless days and a lot more, this year it was officework, new friends, willy and well capitolmed and new hospital work... a lot happens in a year, i guess, i lost weight too, got my hair cut and fixed again, ... i got a year older too, i guess my life is moving forward, sometimes its just slow, but when i look back, there's quite a lot, oh not to mention, i have contact with michael again, haha that was okay, took a long time, you know what i mean, and ive opened new bridges..im thinking of burning old ones, but i guess you could never really do that, tingnan mo na lang yung bridge between me and boris, haha i guess its back again, nah not the romance or what, but us talking and friends, no more crying, blaming, ..and of course im not in love with justin anymore, hes got a girl now, i miss darwin i have not seen him in almost a year, maybe soon.. so im just going to let this be for now..
=) wish me luck....

backstreet boys ? tell me about it

2009-09-16T05:45:00.000-07:00

mood: relaxing, bumming around
Song: Last Request by Paulo Nutini

I found out that backstreet boys are back! I read through a friend's facebook post. aha! The song is straight through my heart, might be their single? naks... okay let me make kwento, last night I was talking to Michael Adrid, my best friend during 3rd grade and 4th grade, and I haven't spoken with the guy for ..ah lets's see , 10 years, hahaha so we talked last night until 5 am, chatted I meant, sa Ym...thanks to facebook I was able to find people from my gradeschool, .. I was also talking to Vincent sa ym, about well the usual, haha about lovelife and the lack of it, told him I would talk to Willy one of these days, and well guess what.. I did, kagabi haha... I was glad to be able to talk with Michael, that I decided I can take a risk and break my heart again so I clicked that message button and said hi to willy,he said hi too,so i said kamusta..we talked for awhile sa ym din, oh well not for awhile but we talked until I decided to go to sleep na... wala naman bago, I thought of asking him what the heck happened, stuff like that.. but nothing really happened diba hahaha so its like asking why the heck nothing happened? wtf ang gulo, I asked michael that we ought to get coffee one of these days, I am really looking forward to that =) I would love to see him.. hehe..and I thought maybe I'd go ask those people I would like to say something to for a cup of coffee..and on my list... si willy, at si michael.. i mean si michael lozano..haha gosh hindi din ako mahilig sa michael ano.. si willy kasi well i still have feelings for him ngayon, and si michael cause i had feelings for him .. hahaha i am going to do that..sabi nga ni chuck..i want to do things i should have done before so I can start crossing them off my list...gudluck nga lang kay michael kasi umiiwas siya saken for some unknown reasons pero naguusap kami ha..haha si willy naman, well mahirap kasi siya ayain, i mean it would probably break me, disappoint me paulit ulit but its worth it kesa never trying...haha they broke my heart once, broke it twice..how bad can it be... tsk..im so shattered na..hahaha

Kahapon din I went out with my former office friends kasi pauwi na si Charlie sa Gensan, watched kimmydora with leander, guada, charli and toni tas had dinner with them at heliza, lemuel and gerald... I so love these people, never thought I'd meet new friends this 2009 but I did, see the office wasn't so bad at all, its not really, except for you know what names.. =)

2 am post

2009-09-14T11:37:00.000-07:00

i know.. what we had was kinda dysfunctional and nothing out of extraordinary, but i miss you.

i know.
its weird.
i do.

~ =p

goodnight dear blog..

closures, hangups, and watever..

2009-09-12T08:54:00.000-07:00

mood: hangups, closures
song: linger by the cranberries

*been stuck on that song

today was a blast..sabi nga ni gerald sa text niya, so much fun today,
facial, (well di ako kasama dito), hehe.. hair chuva (had mine dyed red temporarily and rebonded for that matter), timezone with ge and jommel, iceberg kingkong ice cream and fries with jobs ge and jommel, eugene people and people i know...naks saw camil haha and hanged out for awhile, orasan ko daw (how to spot cute guys sa mall), sweet tomatoes (referring sa fries), longterm or short term, (ge: cute oh, ako: para maiba naman, let's look for those na pwede long term?, ge: ayan o, 3 o'clock, hahaha pointing out a guy around 40's , ako: uh..longterm talaga yan teh...*hahahaha)... hangups (si ge sa kimidora, ako sa greenwich at kay willi (topic na naman ba to haha) , closures and pizza sa yellow cab.. and empire..(yeah dance battle sana, if matanong ko si mansour)..

closures, lovelife and all...lahat naman tayo may problema sa ganyan..trust me..kapag pag-ibig we all fall, we all cry, we all act like stupid kids who can't get what they want, tell me who never did.. sabi nga ni paulo coelho, and for those who have never been wounded in love, they will never be able to say "i lived" because they didn't...

siyempre naguusap kami nila jobelle at gerald sa bus kanina about sa moving on, about sa closures, about how some people need it and how some do not, about how some needs the reasons while some would rather not know... well guess what, I need it..and I need the reasons no matter how stupid they maybe.. I just need to know..i know i said goodbye already, i probably said it thousands of times (i am exaggerating).. but we are still connected ..damn facebook and those applications, its like we exist in each other's world but we do not, it's like im losing someone i never had, how does that happen... see i just need a reason, it doesn't have to be good, but it's going to be enough..

Camil said that I need a diversion, a new work perhaps or something so I won't think of him,.. I know that, I do that, have done that, it worked..its just that..I do not want to wake up a year after and think of this guy and wonder what if...syet what the hell with those quotes about the one who got away..I am pretty sure it wasn't mykel cause he's back in my life, and yeah i've pretty much accepted it that he doesn't want me, and it's fine, 5 years was enough for that..but these guys, i'd rather close it, than wonder what if , after all they can't be all right, right? ...there's quite a lot of wrongs, that, i'm starting to realize..haha

watching Chuck series on a Friday

2009-09-11T04:50:00.000-07:00

mood: watching Chuck, enjoying it
song: Fresh Feeling by Eel

so I stayed home, its Friday, I thought of maybe working out, but..I have my period today, and it started raining ..so sinimulan ko na lang yung series ng Chuck na pinahiram sa akin ni Vincent,... started out good, some were a little boring but overall its the kind of series that keeps me entertained on a boring Friday... I wouldn't tell you what its all about, hahaha..well okay a shortcut, it's about this guy who got kicked out of Stanford, working at Buymore, more like Walmart, who receives top secret CIA/NSA info through an e-mail, and has all these info on his head, making him like the computer...uhm wait human computer... so there starts the adventures slash missions together with a blonde woman and a big guy as his holders or agents more likely...

just watch it ! haha... anyway I am still on season 1, and its evening already, i am on the 9th episode.. when suddenly the 8th episode hit me..

sometimes we just need to get hit in the face that we ain't going anywhere.. that scene where they were poisoned with pentothal and more like a truth serum when you're intoxicated with it.. he asked the girl he really liked, sarah is the name, just before they drank the antidote.. I know you are just doing your job, but this me,you, us thing, are we ever going anywhere? ...

and then she tells him , I am sorry Chuck, no.. and I sighed and I know how that must have felt like Chuck, tsk..believe me...and this song started playing.. Fresh feeling by Eel ..and goes like...

You don't have a clue
What it is like
To be next to you
I'm here to tell you
That it is good
That it is true

Birds singing a song
Old paint is peeling
This is that fresh
That fresh feeling
Words can't be that strong
My heart is reeling
This is that fresh
That fresh feeling

It starts playing on this specific scene, where he goes up to that girl, he really likes, the next day after she tells him that they ain't headed anywhere.. and he says,.. well di ko matandaan how he said it exactly..but he said, I decided that starting today I need to start crossing things from my list, and I need to do something I should have done before.. (well I thought he was going to kiss her or something) and he said, you and I, we need to break up, I mean this undercover 'us'...

and haha my ...I started thinking bout him..and I would want to do that in real life, if only nagkita kami before naglabo labo lahat..maybe baka kung nagkita kami ngayon, I would have the courage to say,,...you and me, this 'us', we need to break up... like this undercover thing.. well it wasn't us naman, it was like undercover in a way, it was like a secret in the same way... and he said because the more we fool other people, I realize, the person I'm fooling the most is me.

and so after he says that, he goes to this deli store, where another girl was waiting, this girl who told him I like you ...

oh i just love this episode..i want to find that line ..exact lines he said..

more dramas... from friendster to here

2009-09-10T01:33:00.000-07:00

Status: waiting, waiting and praying
Song: Broken by Lifehouse

Everyone gets into drama sometimes.. we all do.. the thing is i usually overdo it..hehehe..especially when i am not doing anything...mehn.. so anyway.. I went to PGH this morning, registered for the BLS ACLS program sa DEMS or Department of Emergency Medicine Services.. syempre sa E.R. yun banda, and boy oh boy parang toxic doon, well let us say busy, I wonder kung dun ako nagwowork...wow PGH gurl baby..haha ..madami cute dun na doctor siguro..weee..haha.. Anyway I am making a mental note to read that manual, 4 days lang yun, at well sa October 6 pa naman pero siyempre you have to win it, este I have to win it..

I had been reading my blogs sa friendster last night while I was talking with Vincent sa phone, I found a lot of interesting stuffs there, ahahaha, I figure I would ask Boris to read some of them since there's quite a lot about him there but he never got to see, 'cause I thought we'd never, or I rather, would never talk to him again...hehe.. funny thing, they say we can look back on all these things and we would laugh about it, I guess we would...haha..

There's quite a lot about Michael too, and nakwento ko nga siya kay Vincent, and he said well do you still have feelings for that guy, I said uhm that I do not know, its been ages, anyway I have thought of asking him for coffee, talk probably, something like that. Sabi sakin ni Vincent, handa ka ba sa pwede niyang sabihin?, 'coz I would want to ask him, what happened anyway?, the same thing I would want to ask Willy ngayon, or some of the guys from the..uh back then, so anyway I said, I think I am.. I am pretty sure I am, because if he's going to say, I just do not like you or ever imagined myself being with you..then that ain't going to hurt, I mean it might sting, hehe, oh I am not sure, but I can get on with it, because I had accepted that.. hay yes, in fact I did try to fall in love again, in a crazier way than that, turned out pretty crazy alright, and yeah I , well I kinda blew it, damn chances, I kept blowing them ... I need more...a second one perhaps.. so who is the latest,..I am still not over you, Willy..but yeah I think you could feel that, if I think about you this way everyday, i wonder really

Pauwi na kami galing sa sm:
Ako: Naiisip niya kaya ako? hahaha
Vincent: Oo naman nu, naiisip ka din nun siyempre

At lagi ko naiisip, este yung kanta ng UpDharmadown..

Di mo lang alam naiisip kita, baka sakali lang maisip mo ako, hindi mo lang alam na sa gabi, inaasam makita kang muli....

Naalala ko pa yung time sa office na kinakanta ni Elle yan..hay .. weird I remember moments like that, I can't believe it, I miss that place, yeah I miss my friends there, I miss the salary, and I miss Willy, its so funny.. I guess I changed in a way, nung andun ako, I got caught up with that world, it became my only world, and I got sucked in the drama of it all, .. I admittedly did try to control him , my lovelife, my oh my, because I am like that, and because I kept making that same stupid mistake, I did that with Boris, I should have known really....but Willy was different and I thought we would get along really well..because we were exact opposites... but I was wrong

insert song here * Linger by the cranberries

Oh, I though the world of you...I thought nothing could go wrong,but I was wrong..I was wrong.. but you always really knew I just wanna be with you..

I miss him, damn it..I've so many guys , well i never really had any of them, because loving is not owning.. (insert song by MYMP)... i have so scratched myself so many times, I think i might be insane already, haha I am a sucker for these romantic things, but I do not really need so many of them..just one..haha... I know i know...i have to work on myself, Roy said take a breather and work on yourself...at least if you want a relationship to work..damn it, no formulas for a relationship.. ..but I just might be near to making one work....hohohoho..keep it positive hehe

I like someone..haha just kidding..isa pa yan mali saken e, sabi ni Ryan you keep falling na lang , kunwari pakitaan ka lang ng maganda nito, gusto mo na agad, madali ka magfall friend,...shux what can I do, tanga e.haha.. pero hindi..no no no..I need to fix myself..siguro yun nga..attitude..and accept accept and appreciate..so kung sino ka man..na susunod na pagiinartehan ko dito haha..my gosh blog, you should see my friendster blog and Livejournal... heheh ..do not worry..I am learning...I really am..buti nga at nakakablog ako ngayon, kasi naman bum days, waiting waiting for work, pero pag nagsimula na yun, tuloy tuloy tuloy na talaga..so wish me luck..at yung lovelife ko nako ha..ayusin naten..yun pinakamiserable talaga.hahahah patawa nalang...

wala akong quote ngayon e..eto nalang sa text to galing..
its overused
its cliche
its corny
its just a line
its illogical
its troublesome
its always too abrupt
its never on cue
its difficult to say
it'll be held against you
its too bold
its often quite pathetic
its amazing how, after everything

"i love you"

still works..

speaking of..naalala ko nung minsan katext ko si Willy, I almost said I love you..haha its weird, yeah i almost did, but I said it like hi or hello before, then I forgot about it... and roy said be careful with that words ateng.,, and I said I know, i know... I didn't say it, if you ask if I might now , I still do not know..., its pretty messy, I do not know what is, but I might have..sheesh can't figure it out..well bye for now..see yah soon.. =)

i need more hello's

2009-09-04T05:53:00.000-07:00

Status: hyped up, needs to be for tomorrow's event
Song: We only say goodbye with words

currently watching Tayong dalawa.

Bakit ba nagsasabi ang mga tao ng goodbye, pero hindi naman talaga nila kaya?

Haha, I know right. I do that myself. I do that every single time. And yeah I pretty much do not mean it actually.

sabi ng mga tao sa facebook ko:

Jun Yee: tama naman diba? once youve said it kaya mo! thats the first step say it.

Always the first step is to say it, but I said it already, but now I wonder how long I can manage to do it...damn..I still think about him.. big deal.

Toni posted lyrics I think,

Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear
Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near
Someday you'll say that word and I will cry
It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye

- Damn you goodbye, I don't need more of you, I need more hello's, gawd...

emotions, don't come with reasons

2009-09-03T06:57:00.000-07:00

August 29, 2009.
Status: should be studying but not
Song: Linger - The Cranberries

Happy Birthday to the dear celebrants: Vincent,Gelo and Boris.

Funny thing, I was a hundred percent sure that I was not going to their party. Okay make that 80.

The reasons? Well, they are quite lame, something you'd expect from me. haha

Well I knew Justin would be there, with his new girlfriend probably. I don't want to see them. Gosh, talk about bitter. I kept explaining that it wasn't because I am bitter, I mean I don't like him anymore, that I am sure. Even though I still think he's cute. hahaha. And yeah even though we had that conversation almost a year ago on our way home from a movie, I am not sourgraping.

The second reason, well I knew Boris would bring along his new girlfriend also. And yeah, I don't want to see them either.

It's just that sometimes, there are people and things from the past, and well emotions, you would rather leave there. in the past. Most of the times, I cannot control my feelings. I see people, I hear a song, I hear a word, and boom there goes my rational being. They don't come with warnings, or with reasons.

But anyway, I went. Haha, I figure what the heck, it doesn't matter if he's going or not. It isn't my birthday so deal with it. He wasn't there and Boris broke up with his partner.

I had fun. I decided not to eat much, because I was on a diet. Big deal, I ate anyway. The cake was so good I just could not step away from the food table. Fooling around with people, catching up, and more of the catching up. I'm just glad I came.

The party ended at around midnight,.. he came anyway. I don't remember saying hi, but I said goodbye.

Anyway enough 'bout I, and my reasons, and my bother to explain them..

Vincent, I know what you want pare, haha I am not sure though if it is good for you, running after her...but I know the feeling, running after ...uh oh..... let's just insert the song here... I wish you luck haha, go go go keep trying... and yeah don't listen to other people, keep up the stupidity, hehehehe

Boris, my o my, have we changed, or we're talking yet again, and I remember saying I could never talk to you anymore.. haha.. but I guess we both got ourselves broken and mended in the process..damn that poetry haha.. I am happy for you, being in med school alright, seems just like yesterday, we didn't know what to do with that license, I still don't know..but at this moment, I think I'm starting to... Keep them coming..hehe whatever that means.

Gelo, I know you might be leaving for Florida soon? I don't know, I do not ask that's why.. haha, it's been a year since you've been going here for Grandpa's therapies.. thanks a lot.. and I know you are good with what you do, I never imagined myself to be a PT too, hehe but anyway, I hope you get to use all those clothes for winter wonderland....